(no subject)

say one thing when you meant the other
try to make me not understand...
i can't understand, i don't even know myself...
do i be selfish and focus on my ism?
or drop it and let the hard part consume me as well...
as this ilness seems to consume us...
and i'm so guilty, i'm ashamed
ashamed that there's not a thing i can do...
nothing i know how to do...
is everything that's "no big deal" really this big?
why can't i just be a fuckpuppet like she was...
at least you'd be happy with SOMETHING

(no subject)

i'm bleeding from places i shouldn't be... this horrible pain has become second nature... i need to make a doctor's appointment, and soon. like tomorrow soon. like i maybe should go to the hospital but i don't need any more medical bills soon.

so today at work, i got to train the new game rush manager...

yanno, the position i was promised 8 FUCKING MONTHS AGO!!!

this is the third person i've trained for this job. naser, whom i expected to be calm about it was really pissed. the district manager called him THIS MORNING to tell him that this person was coming, after pushing me for the position. he called district mark, whom i've had many a conversation with. let's hope something happens.

i'm so bummed.