(no subject)

[sprinklethief]

say one thing when you meant the other
try to make me not understand...
i can't understand, i don't even know myself...
do i be selfish and focus on my ism?
or drop it and let the hard part consume me as well...
as this ilness seems to consume us...
and i'm so guilty, i'm ashamed
ashamed that there's not a thing i can do...
nothing i know how to do...
is everything that's "no big deal" really this big?
why can't i just be a fuckpuppet like she was...
at least you'd be happy with SOMETHING

Comments

sweet jesus

[skwyrm.livejournal.com]

no hun... see, the livejournal is for venting when something sorta bugs me. when something huge REALLY gets to me, that's when we discuss it. since I said to you, face to face, in the REAL world that it's "no big deal" that means it's not a big enuff deal to drive me to madness...

if it were a problem big enuff to depress me on it's own, it would be WAY more publicly known between the two of us. since it is NOT the only thing bothering me at this time, it's foolish to say it's the root of my depression...

I'm also not saying it's okay. it DOES get to me. but not enuff to wish to be a "fuckpuppet like she was" in some sort of self destructive act to prove a point. if I wanted that, I would have gone back to it. could have many times, but I didn't because we've got something WAY bigger than that...

I'm sorry if you can't see that sometimes...

it's partially my fault too, after all...