![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
so new years eve, with people dropping off like flies who were gonna hang out and me getting increasingly sick as the day went on, i got a text from my brother. my dad had fallen again and was having a bad MS attack. we decided even though i was getting sicker by the minute that we would bring the party to dad so he wouldn't have to be alone and crippled for new years.
it was heartbreaking to say the least. almost his entire body wasn't working, except for his right hand. we had to hold him up to pee, drag him back up onto the couch when he would slide off, and that's no easy task in a tiny trailer. we eventually had to get him a bedside urinal to use because justin and i could no longer hold him up, seeing that he weighs about 220. he would sit and try to pee for a good 20 minutes, but he had no feeling so he couldn't, he just kept feeling like he had to. he kept crying and telling us that we should put him in a home and forget about him, justin and i countered with "we love you too much to ever put you away."
my brother is saying we need to figure out what to do with the family business, and we need to get dad a nurse or put him in a home. i know that they are both expecting me to drop all of my plans for law school to take over the business, but i just don't want to. why should i have to suffer because my brother was too much of a fuckup to run a goddamn business? knowing me, i'll probably end up doing it, though justin has vowed to let nothing of the sort happen.
the thing is, dad really does need a nurse. best case scenario he needs an assisted living facility so he could still have his independence. i don't even know where to begin with this, i don't know shit about VA benefits or who to contact. i know he's got disability through the VA, i don't know what that means in terms of medicare or whatever. we can't afford to do it with just one of us working, and my brother hasn't had an actual job in.. well.. ever, unless you count prison. the business *is* his job, and he slacks off on that too. this is why i'm supposed to take the reins, and i just don't want to.
i don't know what to do, where to begin. i am NOT putting my dad in a home. simple as that. he's still of sound mind, i refuse to have to sign him out to spend time with him when he's still generally able to do things on his own. its just when he has these attacks, he needs someone there 24/7, and i'm not big enough to be that person. like, physically. neither is justin. and my brother refuses, starts whining about how "everything is falling on his shoulders" while i'm the one that cooks and cleans for the guy, loads up his med planners, organizes his paperwork and does his laundry. yeah bob, you really break your back while you freeload off of him, begging for money every other day and letting him foot the bill to keep you housed and fed.
i think dad wants to move in with us but doesn't want to ask. i feel like a dickhead for saying this, but i don't think that would be a good idea. i'd lose my office, which means justin's clamoring around the house and general disregard for me trying to get things accomplished with severe ADD would seriously hinder my schoolwork, more than it already does. there's large chunks of the day no one would be here that anything could go wrong while i'm at school, and i'd be the only one to call - meaning i'd have to leave school to come help (my brother lost his license and can't drive). i don't mind the cooking, cleaning and laundry as that's my job already, but if dad falls, he's screwed because i can't pick him up. when the MS flares up, he essentially becomes "dead weight" because his muscles can't help you get any leverage. picture trying to lift a 220 lb sack of potatoes that's in incredible pain.
the fact remains that someone has to take over care for him, and i know someone needs to be going to the doctor with him to get him the meds he needs. they try to give him the bare minimum to get him by. dude's going to die soon, what does it matter that you give him a strong enough dose to be comfortable?! VA doctors are simply there to help you die it seems.
so i guess step one will be calling the VA tomorrow to see what, if anything, can be done? any suggestions?
god this sucks.
it was heartbreaking to say the least. almost his entire body wasn't working, except for his right hand. we had to hold him up to pee, drag him back up onto the couch when he would slide off, and that's no easy task in a tiny trailer. we eventually had to get him a bedside urinal to use because justin and i could no longer hold him up, seeing that he weighs about 220. he would sit and try to pee for a good 20 minutes, but he had no feeling so he couldn't, he just kept feeling like he had to. he kept crying and telling us that we should put him in a home and forget about him, justin and i countered with "we love you too much to ever put you away."
my brother is saying we need to figure out what to do with the family business, and we need to get dad a nurse or put him in a home. i know that they are both expecting me to drop all of my plans for law school to take over the business, but i just don't want to. why should i have to suffer because my brother was too much of a fuckup to run a goddamn business? knowing me, i'll probably end up doing it, though justin has vowed to let nothing of the sort happen.
the thing is, dad really does need a nurse. best case scenario he needs an assisted living facility so he could still have his independence. i don't even know where to begin with this, i don't know shit about VA benefits or who to contact. i know he's got disability through the VA, i don't know what that means in terms of medicare or whatever. we can't afford to do it with just one of us working, and my brother hasn't had an actual job in.. well.. ever, unless you count prison. the business *is* his job, and he slacks off on that too. this is why i'm supposed to take the reins, and i just don't want to.
i don't know what to do, where to begin. i am NOT putting my dad in a home. simple as that. he's still of sound mind, i refuse to have to sign him out to spend time with him when he's still generally able to do things on his own. its just when he has these attacks, he needs someone there 24/7, and i'm not big enough to be that person. like, physically. neither is justin. and my brother refuses, starts whining about how "everything is falling on his shoulders" while i'm the one that cooks and cleans for the guy, loads up his med planners, organizes his paperwork and does his laundry. yeah bob, you really break your back while you freeload off of him, begging for money every other day and letting him foot the bill to keep you housed and fed.
i think dad wants to move in with us but doesn't want to ask. i feel like a dickhead for saying this, but i don't think that would be a good idea. i'd lose my office, which means justin's clamoring around the house and general disregard for me trying to get things accomplished with severe ADD would seriously hinder my schoolwork, more than it already does. there's large chunks of the day no one would be here that anything could go wrong while i'm at school, and i'd be the only one to call - meaning i'd have to leave school to come help (my brother lost his license and can't drive). i don't mind the cooking, cleaning and laundry as that's my job already, but if dad falls, he's screwed because i can't pick him up. when the MS flares up, he essentially becomes "dead weight" because his muscles can't help you get any leverage. picture trying to lift a 220 lb sack of potatoes that's in incredible pain.
the fact remains that someone has to take over care for him, and i know someone needs to be going to the doctor with him to get him the meds he needs. they try to give him the bare minimum to get him by. dude's going to die soon, what does it matter that you give him a strong enough dose to be comfortable?! VA doctors are simply there to help you die it seems.
so i guess step one will be calling the VA tomorrow to see what, if anything, can be done? any suggestions?
god this sucks.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
From:
no subject
From:
no subject