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i fell off the wagon...
10 lbs ago i found out i might have cancer, that i barely passed a class by the skin of my ass, that my surgery is going to have to wait for ONE of the members of the team to have the time (which i'm now hearing is all the way up to march... nice that they HAVE the cure to end this misery and now they're dangling it in front of me like a carrot), that my boss cut EVERYONE'S hours so that he and his boss can get bigger bonus' so now the money i THOUGHT i'd have i now do not, that my stepmother is basically holding my dad captive and we are no longer welcome down there (this started the day before thanksgiving when she made him call us and tell us we were not welcome in his home), i can't fucking stop shaking to save my freaking life and that i am now officially 4g's in the hole because of all my failed back surgeries. and that's just the co-pays.
so what do i do? eat. constantly. for the whole week. joey's out of town or else i'm sure i'd have not gone so far off the deep end. i'm actually really embarrassed by the staggering amount of food i've consumed in the last week. about $100 worth to be exact. and not because i was hungry, i'm never really hungry. because it was something that felt good to me. today, it stopped feeling good. it was like when my body decided it was time to quit smoking, suddenly cigarettes tasted like ass and i haven't touched them since.
so i went into the bathroom to see the damage i'd done. 135. now, keep in mind i've been keeping 115-125 for the last couple years. i know it's not a big deal to gain 10 lbs, but that's how this all started last time. i got so beat down by life i just gave up. not this time. all the junk food (well what's left of it) is getting thrown out tomorrow. no, you know what? i bet there's actual hungry families out there, i think i'll donate all the unopened stuff to charity. yeah, that will help fill the void. i'm serious, it would.
tomorrow i'm marching my ass back to the grocery store and getting some veggies to cut up (mmmm, broccoli...) some lo-cal soups, some sandwich baggies to partition off snacks and some lean cuisine stuff (their paninis are to die for! theirs and healthy choice).
i'm going to knock off this extra 10lbs by the first. who's with me?!
10 lbs ago i found out i might have cancer, that i barely passed a class by the skin of my ass, that my surgery is going to have to wait for ONE of the members of the team to have the time (which i'm now hearing is all the way up to march... nice that they HAVE the cure to end this misery and now they're dangling it in front of me like a carrot), that my boss cut EVERYONE'S hours so that he and his boss can get bigger bonus' so now the money i THOUGHT i'd have i now do not, that my stepmother is basically holding my dad captive and we are no longer welcome down there (this started the day before thanksgiving when she made him call us and tell us we were not welcome in his home), i can't fucking stop shaking to save my freaking life and that i am now officially 4g's in the hole because of all my failed back surgeries. and that's just the co-pays.
so what do i do? eat. constantly. for the whole week. joey's out of town or else i'm sure i'd have not gone so far off the deep end. i'm actually really embarrassed by the staggering amount of food i've consumed in the last week. about $100 worth to be exact. and not because i was hungry, i'm never really hungry. because it was something that felt good to me. today, it stopped feeling good. it was like when my body decided it was time to quit smoking, suddenly cigarettes tasted like ass and i haven't touched them since.
so i went into the bathroom to see the damage i'd done. 135. now, keep in mind i've been keeping 115-125 for the last couple years. i know it's not a big deal to gain 10 lbs, but that's how this all started last time. i got so beat down by life i just gave up. not this time. all the junk food (well what's left of it) is getting thrown out tomorrow. no, you know what? i bet there's actual hungry families out there, i think i'll donate all the unopened stuff to charity. yeah, that will help fill the void. i'm serious, it would.
tomorrow i'm marching my ass back to the grocery store and getting some veggies to cut up (mmmm, broccoli...) some lo-cal soups, some sandwich baggies to partition off snacks and some lean cuisine stuff (their paninis are to die for! theirs and healthy choice).
i'm going to knock off this extra 10lbs by the first. who's with me?!
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From:
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Before I started the lamictal and the luvox I was 150, I lost 40 pounds when I got off the depakote.
I don't know anymore. I actually LOST weight when I was eating fried pies every day, and put a bunch on when I was eating salad. Exercise does me no good, nor does calorie restriction. I do not understand my metabolism.