baby did a bad bad thing...

[sprinklethief]

i fell off the wagon...

10 lbs ago i found out i might have cancer, that i barely passed a class by the skin of my ass, that my surgery is going to have to wait for ONE of the members of the team to have the time (which i'm now hearing is all the way up to march... nice that they HAVE the cure to end this misery and now they're dangling it in front of me like a carrot), that my boss cut EVERYONE'S hours so that he and his boss can get bigger bonus' so now the money i THOUGHT i'd have i now do not, that my stepmother is basically holding my dad captive and we are no longer welcome down there (this started the day before thanksgiving when she made him call us and tell us we were not welcome in his home), i can't fucking stop shaking to save my freaking life and that i am now officially 4g's in the hole because of all my failed back surgeries. and that's just the co-pays.

so what do i do? eat. constantly. for the whole week. joey's out of town or else i'm sure i'd have not gone so far off the deep end. i'm actually really embarrassed by the staggering amount of food i've consumed in the last week. about $100 worth to be exact. and not because i was hungry, i'm never really hungry. because it was something that felt good to me. today, it stopped feeling good. it was like when my body decided it was time to quit smoking, suddenly cigarettes tasted like ass and i haven't touched them since.

so i went into the bathroom to see the damage i'd done. 135. now, keep in mind i've been keeping 115-125 for the last couple years. i know it's not a big deal to gain 10 lbs, but that's how this all started last time. i got so beat down by life i just gave up. not this time. all the junk food (well what's left of it) is getting thrown out tomorrow. no, you know what? i bet there's actual hungry families out there, i think i'll donate all the unopened stuff to charity. yeah, that will help fill the void. i'm serious, it would.

tomorrow i'm marching my ass back to the grocery store and getting some veggies to cut up (mmmm, broccoli...) some lo-cal soups, some sandwich baggies to partition off snacks and some lean cuisine stuff (their paninis are to die for! theirs and healthy choice).

i'm going to knock off this extra 10lbs by the first. who's with me?!

Comments

[anmorata.livejournal.com]

I would say "me!" but I'm not certain I can make it through a holiday like that. Too much food around me. I am weak.

However, come January, I'm back on the wagon. 30 is next summer, baby, and I'm gonna be thin for the first time in decades. When classes start back up, I'm going to the gym, since it's free for fulltime students. I don't know if you can with your back stuff, but if you want to try it I'll be there. :)

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

i have a feeling i just have to go back to a normal eating regimen and i'll be okay. i just don't wanna go into the new year with depressive eating habits intact.

it's looking like i may get my x-mess back stuff after all, so i may be bustin' a sweat right beside you. i MISS working out so bad. i miss the adrenaline rush from the very first day i realized power walking was not going to be enough and busted into a full run for 25 minutes. that was amazing...

[lucidrebellion.livejournal.com]

if you need any thing just ask. Its kinda hard from way down in 'actionville' but, dont give up on the docs. is there another doc instead of the ass-clown, in the same service?

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

that's what i kept asking, hopefully it'll pan out.

[http://users.livejournal.com/batty_/]

don't do it too fast! otherwise you run the risk of it just coming back again. i have about 10 lbs left to lose and my goal for that isnt until *march*.

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

i have a feeling that the 10 is bad eating habits tho. if i go back to normal i think it's going to just come off on its own. ever since the big loss (which happened over a 2 month span) my body kinda just maintains at the 115-125 level on its own unless i go berserk and become a rabid eat beast (like this whole week, lol).

[greyyguy.livejournal.com]

Ouch. I would join you but I know I can't do it by the 1st. But I can relate to sudden and unexpected gain. I've been noticing that in myself. Seeing it and identifying the fix for it is a big step. It took me a while to even notice it.

And you rock for donating the stuff.

[dreadful-birds.livejournal.com]

I need to drop about ten pounds myself, I would like to weigh 145 but I'd settle for 150. How can we manage this with medication interference?

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

where there's a will there's a way...

one of the main things i did was log what i eat. everything. i saw that even though i thought i was eating like 2000 calories it was closer to 5000 a day. what bad weight meds are you on (i lose track of who's on what since i have so many friends on interesting meds)? one thing i did was find the scientific reasons that meds cause weight gain and try to counteract it. i got lucky in that i got put back on adderall about 8 months ago, but there's gotta be easier ways to combat it. i'm going to have plenty of free time soon, maybe i'll hit up my friends in the loony bin (what we call the psych department) and try to get my hands on some research papers...

lithium and depakote are the major offenders. luckily i escaped those. i got wellbutrin and buspar instead, i've been doing an okay job controlling the moods myself. i know many others aren't as fortunate. dude, if we could crack the code we'd be millionaires, lol.

[dreadful-birds.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm on a beta blocker, luvox, and lamictal. Oddly enough, I lowered the luvox and IMMEDIATELY put on five pounds. Then I got back on it and the five pounds fell off.

Before I started the lamictal and the luvox I was 150, I lost 40 pounds when I got off the depakote.

I don't know anymore. I actually LOST weight when I was eating fried pies every day, and put a bunch on when I was eating salad. Exercise does me no good, nor does calorie restriction. I do not understand my metabolism.

[dreadful-birds.livejournal.com]

I do know that all these meds increase cholesterol levels. I ate nothing but vegetarian, zero cholesterol stuff and it was still 189. After that I was like WHATEVER.