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pdoc put me on buspar so i can make it through this medical gauntlet. i seriously feel like i'm losing my goddamn mind with all this shit. my surgery might get pushed back, so i'll have to continue living like an addict until the second surgeon decides he's got time to sew me shut. seriously, how long can that take? you can't pencil me in? all the other docs are ready and willing except this douchebag. because of the holidays i won't find out if i'm cancer free or not until january 9th (i thought it was the 6th but i was wrong). so there's that. AND i have to start planning my neck surgery. they have to flat out replace the disk, it's too far out to do much more. a discectomy apparently wouldn't be of much help since so much of it is already outside where it's supposed to be. fucking yay.
when does it end? seriously? i'm so far beyond sick of popping pills and seeing doctors. every fucking month is another problem, another misstep down the great decline that is my health (wow, that sounds a lot more cheesy than i thought it would now that i read it, lol). every time i think i can't take anymore something else happens. i'm so exhausted by it that i can barely get out of bed in the morning, and honestly, if i didn't have to i wouldn't. every fucking step i take - literally - is painful as hell. almost every movement i make hurts somehow somewhere.
i don't understand how anyone can live like this. my quality of life is piss poor at the very best, yet at the pain clinic i see and hear people that have been popping narcotics for years longer than me. how do they do it? well... they probably actually take theirs on a regular basis and are on disability so they don't have to worry about being too foggy headed. i can't take the shit all the time because i have to be up and running around so much.
i'm sorry, i just had to vent. i actually have the day off and the house to myself so i think i'm going to lay around and watch crappy daytime tv.
when does it end? seriously? i'm so far beyond sick of popping pills and seeing doctors. every fucking month is another problem, another misstep down the great decline that is my health (wow, that sounds a lot more cheesy than i thought it would now that i read it, lol). every time i think i can't take anymore something else happens. i'm so exhausted by it that i can barely get out of bed in the morning, and honestly, if i didn't have to i wouldn't. every fucking step i take - literally - is painful as hell. almost every movement i make hurts somehow somewhere.
i don't understand how anyone can live like this. my quality of life is piss poor at the very best, yet at the pain clinic i see and hear people that have been popping narcotics for years longer than me. how do they do it? well... they probably actually take theirs on a regular basis and are on disability so they don't have to worry about being too foggy headed. i can't take the shit all the time because i have to be up and running around so much.
i'm sorry, i just had to vent. i actually have the day off and the house to myself so i think i'm going to lay around and watch crappy daytime tv.
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