oh wondrous times.

[sprinklethief]

pdoc put me on buspar so i can make it through this medical gauntlet. i seriously feel like i'm losing my goddamn mind with all this shit. my surgery might get pushed back, so i'll have to continue living like an addict until the second surgeon decides he's got time to sew me shut. seriously, how long can that take? you can't pencil me in? all the other docs are ready and willing except this douchebag. because of the holidays i won't find out if i'm cancer free or not until january 9th (i thought it was the 6th but i was wrong). so there's that. AND i have to start planning my neck surgery. they have to flat out replace the disk, it's too far out to do much more. a discectomy apparently wouldn't be of much help since so much of it is already outside where it's supposed to be. fucking yay.

when does it end? seriously? i'm so far beyond sick of popping pills and seeing doctors. every fucking month is another problem, another misstep down the great decline that is my health (wow, that sounds a lot more cheesy than i thought it would now that i read it, lol). every time i think i can't take anymore something else happens. i'm so exhausted by it that i can barely get out of bed in the morning, and honestly, if i didn't have to i wouldn't. every fucking step i take - literally - is painful as hell. almost every movement i make hurts somehow somewhere.

i don't understand how anyone can live like this. my quality of life is piss poor at the very best, yet at the pain clinic i see and hear people that have been popping narcotics for years longer than me. how do they do it? well... they probably actually take theirs on a regular basis and are on disability so they don't have to worry about being too foggy headed. i can't take the shit all the time because i have to be up and running around so much.

i'm sorry, i just had to vent. i actually have the day off and the house to myself so i think i'm going to lay around and watch crappy daytime tv.

Comments

[daliah.livejournal.com]

wow, what the heck is buspar supposed to do? i mean, i know its an antianxiety, but its not like its fast acting, nor are the results even noticeable...thats really odd..id think that the narcotics would help with anxiety, but i guess not? are benzo's not an option? or would you rather just not take another something addictive? anyway, i hope your day off is nice. ive been having lovely lazy days since break started. though its true. daytime tv sucks ballz.

xox

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

apparently buspar helps anything that grabs onto seretonin work better. it's also supposed to help the sex problem thing i get with ANY antidepressant (even though sex is a no no for me for THREE FREAKING WEEKS!!!! GAH!!!!). she said that it might make coming off of narcotics easier too (if that ever freaking happens). i dunno, i'm just sick of feeling like this.

she wanted to give me xanax but i feel i already pop enough different kinds of schedule 2's a day that perhaps one more would be tempting fate.

days off are nice. i forgot how nice they were :)

[daliah.livejournal.com]

buspar helps thwart sexual dysfunction? huh! i thought it effed it up the same as any other ssri...

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

i dunno, from everything i read it seems like everyone has different outcomes. with me god only knows how it's going to turn out with the plethora of drugs i scarf down every day. i do keep reading that it increases your sex drive tho.

[radiation88.livejournal.com]

For me, buspar was/is really good for narcotic withdrawal, but it makes me sleepy.

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

yeah, i've slept pretty much all of the last week, lol.

[lsdentheogen.livejournal.com]

Evil Knevil did it... so can you....

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

"but you come to a point in your life when you can't pull the trigger anymore."

spoken by the man himself...