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i guess what's making this harder is that i don't believe in god, or an afterlife. as soon as it was found out that all of the things i'd "seen" "heard" and "sensed" over the years were simply symptom of an illness it became really hard to have any faith at all. impossible, really. my fears of spirits became replaced with fears of murderers. fears of voices became fear of people who want to hurt me. i was apprehensive until i popped a magic pill or two and suddenly my head quieted down and i stopped seeing things (for the most part).
i actually do want very badly to believe in an afterlife, in reincarnation and that yappa will find me again - but i just don't think that will happen. wanting to believe and actually being able to believe are two very different things. i hate to sound like this but i seriously do think that this is why i'm having such a hard time with this (besides the whole losing a lifelong friend thing). that and lack of understanding people in my immediate vicinity. i don't think anyone truly understands the bond me and that silly little cat had, hell i don't think i even do completely.
i just wish i KNEW there was something afterwards. i wish there was proof. not some crazy old lady who's seen the light and then over time her story turns into angels singing and choirs of school boys welcoming her into the kingdom of heaven. i've had near death experiences. it's cold, it sucks, and it's painful to wake up. no light, no angels, no tunnel, no clouds.
i want to believe there is something else for her. but with so many whack jobs out there associated with every religion and way of thinking it just loses it's credibility.
god this sucks.
i actually do want very badly to believe in an afterlife, in reincarnation and that yappa will find me again - but i just don't think that will happen. wanting to believe and actually being able to believe are two very different things. i hate to sound like this but i seriously do think that this is why i'm having such a hard time with this (besides the whole losing a lifelong friend thing). that and lack of understanding people in my immediate vicinity. i don't think anyone truly understands the bond me and that silly little cat had, hell i don't think i even do completely.
i just wish i KNEW there was something afterwards. i wish there was proof. not some crazy old lady who's seen the light and then over time her story turns into angels singing and choirs of school boys welcoming her into the kingdom of heaven. i've had near death experiences. it's cold, it sucks, and it's painful to wake up. no light, no angels, no tunnel, no clouds.
i want to believe there is something else for her. but with so many whack jobs out there associated with every religion and way of thinking it just loses it's credibility.
god this sucks.
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From:
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and it doesn't even matter what you believe,
as long as it means something to you and comforts you...
i'm sorry you're hurting...i'll send you one of my dogs to take your mind off it!
From:
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From: (Anonymous)
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Anyway, I am at a spritual crossroads ( for lack of a better term ). I have these very evil ( but funny ) thoughts in my head. Like, REALLY bad taste humor.
It's not suggest that I don't want to be creative but if there is a God, why do I have these thoughts?
In my heart of hearts, I don't wan to think this way. I want to be a good guy but this is the " gift " ( or curse ) I've been given.
It seems like I have no choice but to use this for "evil".
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense. The main idea of the paragraph is that I feel like faith is not enough. I'm an "all or nothing " kind of guy ( who reeeally likes quotation marks, apparently ). If I'm going to believe in something, I have to have proof. MY proof that He exists.
And you're absosmurfly right, there are too many people of " faith " running around saying " THIS GOD IS THE ONLY TRUE GOD!" "No MY God is greater than yours!"
Enough! WHO/WHAT/WHERE IS GOD?!?!?
sorry. i'll shut up now.