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i guess what's making this harder is that i don't believe in god, or an afterlife. as soon as it was found out that all of the things i'd "seen" "heard" and "sensed" over the years were simply symptom of an illness it became really hard to have any faith at all. impossible, really. my fears of spirits became replaced with fears of murderers. fears of voices became fear of people who want to hurt me. i was apprehensive until i popped a magic pill or two and suddenly my head quieted down and i stopped seeing things (for the most part).
i actually do want very badly to believe in an afterlife, in reincarnation and that yappa will find me again - but i just don't think that will happen. wanting to believe and actually being able to believe are two very different things. i hate to sound like this but i seriously do think that this is why i'm having such a hard time with this (besides the whole losing a lifelong friend thing). that and lack of understanding people in my immediate vicinity. i don't think anyone truly understands the bond me and that silly little cat had, hell i don't think i even do completely.
i just wish i KNEW there was something afterwards. i wish there was proof. not some crazy old lady who's seen the light and then over time her story turns into angels singing and choirs of school boys welcoming her into the kingdom of heaven. i've had near death experiences. it's cold, it sucks, and it's painful to wake up. no light, no angels, no tunnel, no clouds.
i want to believe there is something else for her. but with so many whack jobs out there associated with every religion and way of thinking it just loses it's credibility.
god this sucks.
i actually do want very badly to believe in an afterlife, in reincarnation and that yappa will find me again - but i just don't think that will happen. wanting to believe and actually being able to believe are two very different things. i hate to sound like this but i seriously do think that this is why i'm having such a hard time with this (besides the whole losing a lifelong friend thing). that and lack of understanding people in my immediate vicinity. i don't think anyone truly understands the bond me and that silly little cat had, hell i don't think i even do completely.
i just wish i KNEW there was something afterwards. i wish there was proof. not some crazy old lady who's seen the light and then over time her story turns into angels singing and choirs of school boys welcoming her into the kingdom of heaven. i've had near death experiences. it's cold, it sucks, and it's painful to wake up. no light, no angels, no tunnel, no clouds.
i want to believe there is something else for her. but with so many whack jobs out there associated with every religion and way of thinking it just loses it's credibility.
god this sucks.