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yappa has to be put down very soon. like as soon as i can afford it. i'm already starting to make final arrangement type plans and it's fucking killing me. she's been in my life for 16 years. most of my life i never really had friends so it was just me and my cat. i was always the weird girl or the new girl or just too mean/unpredictable to keep friends for long. i'm no good with relationship maintenance either so people often become bored or fed up with waiting for me to act normal (which is why wyl's such a gem because he knows that's never going to happen, lol).
she was diagnosed a few months ago with bladder cancer and was given three months to a year to live. recently she's begun losing weight and losing control of her bladder. now it's almost a constant thing to be cleaning up after her it's gotten so bad. i'm selfish and would do it forever if it were up to me, but it's not. i have to think about her quality of life at this point, which is probably the hardest thing i've ever done. normal people don't understand why i'm having such a hard time with this, so i guess i'll try to explain.
yappa is a rescued kitty. someone threw her in a dumpster tied in a burlap sac (who the hell even uses those any more? shows how old she is...). me being all of 9 years old dove right in, knee-deep in mc donald's food and found the source of the yowling that the rest of the crowd just stood around and "oh my'd" at. i then found myself the proud owner of a black and white kitten with a giant wobbly head.
16 years later there's been so many years of curling up in front of TVs and sharing my dinner, crying over boyfriends, leaving home, countless moves in and out of state, two attempts at college, many many mice and chipmunks to leave on porches and in beds, adventures in woods, stepfathers who spoil kitties with steak and tuna, sibling cats and kittens, attic adventures, evil vets, sunbeams to soak up and heater vents to curl up on.
as stupid as it sounds, in my whole life yappa is the only thing that's been a constant. everything has always been so volatile and unstable, everyone has left at some point, everyone has turned their backs to some degree at one time or another. i don't even think it's possible for an animal to turn it's back on a person, but none-the-less i feel an undying sense of loyalty from her. nothing has ever been stable ground for me and everything "certain" has always collapsed on itself, but goddamn it that kitty fell down the sinkholes with me and snuggled up to my side when i'd be curled up in a ball on the ground sobbing about it. even now as i'm crying trying to type this she's pawing at me trying to distract me, like she knows. i guess after 16 years you really do know a person, even if they are an animal - or a human.
i love you yappa. i'm sorry i have to do this to you but i can't let you suffer anymore.
she was diagnosed a few months ago with bladder cancer and was given three months to a year to live. recently she's begun losing weight and losing control of her bladder. now it's almost a constant thing to be cleaning up after her it's gotten so bad. i'm selfish and would do it forever if it were up to me, but it's not. i have to think about her quality of life at this point, which is probably the hardest thing i've ever done. normal people don't understand why i'm having such a hard time with this, so i guess i'll try to explain.
yappa is a rescued kitty. someone threw her in a dumpster tied in a burlap sac (who the hell even uses those any more? shows how old she is...). me being all of 9 years old dove right in, knee-deep in mc donald's food and found the source of the yowling that the rest of the crowd just stood around and "oh my'd" at. i then found myself the proud owner of a black and white kitten with a giant wobbly head.
16 years later there's been so many years of curling up in front of TVs and sharing my dinner, crying over boyfriends, leaving home, countless moves in and out of state, two attempts at college, many many mice and chipmunks to leave on porches and in beds, adventures in woods, stepfathers who spoil kitties with steak and tuna, sibling cats and kittens, attic adventures, evil vets, sunbeams to soak up and heater vents to curl up on.
as stupid as it sounds, in my whole life yappa is the only thing that's been a constant. everything has always been so volatile and unstable, everyone has left at some point, everyone has turned their backs to some degree at one time or another. i don't even think it's possible for an animal to turn it's back on a person, but none-the-less i feel an undying sense of loyalty from her. nothing has ever been stable ground for me and everything "certain" has always collapsed on itself, but goddamn it that kitty fell down the sinkholes with me and snuggled up to my side when i'd be curled up in a ball on the ground sobbing about it. even now as i'm crying trying to type this she's pawing at me trying to distract me, like she knows. i guess after 16 years you really do know a person, even if they are an animal - or a human.
i love you yappa. i'm sorry i have to do this to you but i can't let you suffer anymore.
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i've still got two other beasties around too so hopefully that will help soften the blow.
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People don't understand that animals become a member of the family and a permanent part of your heart....I am glad that you two had so many wonderful years together and you always had a constant source of love to count on.
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I'm so sorry honey. She's led a full kitty life, and she couldn't have asked for a better kitty-mommy.
Call me if you need anything, and when I finally make it through that way (barring any more deer trying to tackle me through my car), hopefully I'll be able to see you and give you serious hugs and smooches.
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and she loves you just as much...
if it is what is best for her, then you will find the strength to do it...
tough stuff...
i dread the day i have to start considering my dogs mortality...
esp. because whichever one goes first, it will leave the other in complete, desperate loneliness...my chest hurts just thinking about it...
love to you and yappa kitty...
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This must hurt so bad, I've been doing the same thing with Dude, watching him to see when his life might be more of a burden to him than a blessing. When I get there it will be worse than my dad's death, because I didn't really like my dad that much, and his love was surely NOT unconditional. So I totally understand how important the love of a pet is, it's better than family, for me. And anyone who doesn't get that can go hang. They're missing out because an animal's love is some of the most pure love out there.
I think what a lot of people don't get is that you can't substitute one animal for another, they're not all the same. So most people don't understand how much it hurts to lose a particular pet. You know?
Also I don't think some people have it in them to see each animal as an individual and treat them that way. They don't take the time, I dunno why. It's like their pet is an accessory. Well they're not, they're little people with fur who can't speak English but still manage to let you know how they feel. A lot of people can't even do that with the power of speech. Cheesy but true.
And this is weird, but my therapist once told me that pets are here to let us know what unconditional love is like, so that we will know it when we find it. Cheesy again, but it's a nice idea.
You can look at it this way: All the times Yappa was there for you, you were there for her first, and you will be there for her last; you allowed her to have a life and your love when you saved her, and now you can save her from a life that hurts too much.
Anyway, I've gone and rambled here, but I want to let you know that I think you are doing the right thing.
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