she looked into my eyes and a voice said run.

[sprinklethief]

every time i think i'm starting to get better i'm left alone.

not like left alone like "oh waaaah, no one pays attention to me!!!" but like i'm home sick right now and wyl's at work. i wonder if i'm only able to keep things together because i have to... because i really have nowhere to run anymore and no one will do it for me...

that's still a LOOOOONG way from where i was a year ago.

i never want to be in a psych ward against my will again. that's a trend in my life i need to break.

i don't feel right.

there's been a dicussion recently about the loss of social skills that has recently become apparent in myself and why. i'm beginning to wonder if they'd ever actually existed or if it was always the booze or this drug or that drug or whatever i was on to stomach people running up and hugging me or dragging on about subjects that i coudln't possibly care less about.

maybe i never liked people.

maybe i was constantly trying to convince myself that i did.

maybe i'll always be one of those people that you'll like the idea of but once you have to spend time with me you'll be dying to get the fuck away from. the whole room breathes a sigh of relief once the door hits me on the ass on the way out...

and why the fuck do you friend my journal if you don't like me? are you keeping tabs for some sick form of entertainment? fucking get a life, mine's past the interesting part, trust me.

i'm awaiting some potentially very bad news. it could be good news though because it would explain so much. but it's still bad news. it'd be like if someone sent me a pizza on fire. it's all like "hey! a pizza!" .... but it's on fire...

oh my god i'm so in hate with everything.

there, i fucking wrote something that wasn't a fucking quiz and was about my actual life.

Comments

[flurbins.livejournal.com]

I totally read that wrong and thought you said you didn't think people actually existed, as opposed to said social skills. And that made me confused, and I had to go to the mirror. I also seem to remember you to be a runandhugger, and not just the victim of runandhugs.

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

only to you hun, only to you.

[indy-skies.livejournal.com]

*sigh* i get all those feelings of self-doubt when i sober up from a good mania. like, was i ever that fucking attractive and brilliant or have i always been socially awkward?!! so yeah, i think i get what you're feeling... if that's any consolation. misery loves company??

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

it's not so much a sober-up from a good mania as it is just looking back on my life and comparing it to now. the me i was would so kick my ass now... or at least make me cry and hide... i'm a wuss now.

NAROMI!!!

[transmission00.livejournal.com]

i don't really know what to say, cause i'm pretty much right there with ya on this. and i've been thinking of you lots the past couple days. if only one of us would walk out of our apartments we could hang out. i tell myself i don't want to leave my dogs. and that is partly true. but it's what i say to keep myself in. i dunno. blah blah blah

Re: NAROMI!!!

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

i'm queen antisocial anyhow, heh

[matafleur.livejournal.com]

shit, I ran and hugged. fuck all.

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

certian people have a license too ;) i'm talking more about the people that don't even know my last name that pounce me cuz they wanna make a scene in a club in front of all the cool kids or whatever. you know, the dumb shit i did when i was a dumb drunk lookame kid.

[matafleur.livejournal.com]

yeah, but still... I saw that Wyl recognized me, but you were looking the other way.. that could have got me a right punch in the kisser. ;)
I just try not to piss off the few people that don't hate me is all...

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

i can't hate my issa. i wuv da issa. ::squishes da issa:: i scare off big ugly evil italian mustachio-bearing mizolla bitches who mess with my issa.

whats up, who's screwing with my issa? ::gets all evil looking with my no makeup and messy hair in my cage - er - cubical::

[matafleur.livejournal.com]

awww! kymmy cham doth rock and I love her muchly too! *squish squish*

Who's screwing the your Issa? Well... I know it ought to be you! Oh!
*is naughty*