HELP.... HELP.... HELP....

[sprinklethief]

so when i finally break down and admit i can't battle this fucking evil illness alone and try to find a new doctor (not a pill pez dispensor like dr. dale) EVERY SINGLE NUMBER ON THE MEDICAL MUTUAL SITE FOR IN NETWORK PSYCHIATRISTS IS WRONG. i finally just broke down and called the psych triage at the cleveland clinic, but i guess 4:10pm is AFTER BUSINESS HOURS! boy i'd love to have a 10am-4pm business day.

what's making this worse is that i think the good ol schizophrenia monster is coming out of remission... HALLUCINATIONS HERE I COME. something tells me i'm going to be hospitalized by the end of tonight or there will be blood stains all over my nice scotch guarded carpet. just this ominous feeling.

when you don't want help everyone is up your ass. when you're screaming as desperate as you've ever been it's after business hours. i can't stand irony.

i'm just going to try to keep busy until "business hours" and keep myself distracted so nothing bad happens again. it's been a while since i've done this little dance...

i'm thinking of walking over to the flat iron. anyone in?

Comments

[lucidrebellion.livejournal.com]

if you seriously need assistance..and i mean like your about to go hurt yourself or others, go to the nearest ER...they'll be able to help you.

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

i think i'm okay for right now... but i'm watching for the signs. luckilly i can WALK to lutherin if need be, i'm all alone right now :(

i cleaned the kitchen so far tho, maybe i'll do the rest of the house to keep my head level.

thank you for your honesty and not judging my nut-baggedness.

[transmission00.livejournal.com]

just playing video games helps me. cause that is the only time i can stop all the other shit going on in my brain.

check if you have refills on the wellbutrin and get it if you do.

i've heard metro in euclid will take care of you after hours, but i think that may have been a ploy to get me hospitalized cause i was too scared to even though i knew i needed it.

there is an emotions anonymous meeting tonight at St. Marks Lutheran Church (4464 Pearl Road) at 7:30, if that would help you at all.

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

i have serious issues with 12 stepper programs as i don't honestly believe in god as an omnipitent entitiy that i can surrender myself to... it often becomes an argument of epic proportions, at least that's what happened in AA and NA...

i think i'm okay for now but i'll look up the # for metro psych just in case...

[transmission00.livejournal.com]

heh, that's why i don't go to them. and they seem a little... cult-y. but i thought i would through it out there.

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

i thank you :)

[daliah.livejournal.com]

oy is it culty, i felt more guilt at meetings than i did in catholic school! the god thing doesnt have to be religious or spiritual tho...your *god* can be an image/word that you meditate on...a pet...kompressor...an inanimate object...it doesnt have to be the lord almighty creator of heaven and earth...its just a term used for something that you channel your energy into and get strength from..

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

see, i get strength from myself because i firmly believe in me... so i cant humble myself to myself, lol.

kopressor... you crazy girl, lol.

[daliah.livejournal.com]

you can be your own god...you can call your body god, or something like that and say it deserves better than the way you were treating it...(mind and body)

dog walks are my serenity...they are my meetings..fuck that coffee and donuts crap :D

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

i need to find my serenity

[daliah.livejournal.com]

hrm...does ANYTHING clear your head? is there anything calm you down and bring you back to reality (the good not the bad)...when i was in the midst of psychological break down i always fell back on cutting, but we can safely say thats not the most productive coping skill in the world...pet a kitty...pet *your* kitty...take a walk, meditate...the only advice i can give is to try to find that calm and let it wash over you whenever you need it...good luck. :*

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

i've been trying to paint but it's makin gme mad, lol.