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omg you guys this is so exciting, guess what!?! i have ADHD! can you believe it!? oh, i know, i'm as shocked as you are, SHOCKED!! even still, they want me to do a full diagnostic work-up (read: $415) for metal illness to rule out stuff and see to what extent my bipolar plays into everything to best figure out a treatment method. and here i thought "hey, these medicines work perfectly and make life 100% functional, lets just do this!" instead it's "this ONE medication is abused on college campuses, and even though you've been on the same dosage for 5 years and have never wavered, we've decided you need to prove to us beyond a shadow of a doubt that you need it."
seriously, i've been through the medi-go-round countless times. i sat with this dude for a good 15 minutes just telling him all the medications i've been on. it's not like i walked into a doctor's office, said "i want these specific medications and nothing but" and went about my life, this was most certainly a trial and error process, one error that landed me in the looney bin, another error that made me gain 80lbs, and still another that made large portions of my hair fall out - oh! and the drooling itchy rash that i found out could possibly be fatal! that was fun! or the seizures! or the one that made everything taste like pennies! believe me when i say, i did not come to this medicine combination easily, and the process took damn near 15 years. and now, after 5 years, because all of a sudden people are clamping down on adderall, i have to pull $400 out of my ass (on top of the almost $200 for the medication itself) to prove what i've already proved in a long and arduous process of trial by fire. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! seriously?! anyone that's had to spend more that an hour in a room alone with me unmedicated can tell you exactly what my damage is by about the 10th time they have to bring me back to the conversation because something shiny happened.
what's more perplexing about this whole thing is that the dude AGREES that i have ADHD. AGREES! i believe his words were "there's no doubt in my mind." so... why do i have to do this? i don't want to sit and do a formal diagnonsense procedure. i know what my damage is. he kept repeating that he was impressed with how high functioning of an aspie i am, maybe that's it? i mean, i'm almost 30, i've had quite a bit of real world experience to teach me to pretend to be normal.
i just don't understand what the deal is here. i've been trying to pick it apart since i got back from the appointment and i keep coming up empty handed. i cannot understand why a doctor that agrees that i have ADHD and is impressed with how i handle my aspie tendencies would want to make me go through a battery of diagnostic testing. the fucked up part? he's talking to my doctor and telling her to continue prescribing the meds! but only as long as i go along with this...
so 5 weeks of intensive diagnostic testing once a week. $415 dollars that i can pay off in increments. at least after all of this i can go to whatever fucking doctor i want and be like "look, con-motherfucking-crete evidence that i am ADHD, give me my speed now."
even better? these are the first 5 weeks of fall semester. oh but wait, it gets better - these are also the last 5 weeks i have to study for the LSAT. god is punishing me. for what i don't know, but punished i am.
seriously, i've been through the medi-go-round countless times. i sat with this dude for a good 15 minutes just telling him all the medications i've been on. it's not like i walked into a doctor's office, said "i want these specific medications and nothing but" and went about my life, this was most certainly a trial and error process, one error that landed me in the looney bin, another error that made me gain 80lbs, and still another that made large portions of my hair fall out - oh! and the drooling itchy rash that i found out could possibly be fatal! that was fun! or the seizures! or the one that made everything taste like pennies! believe me when i say, i did not come to this medicine combination easily, and the process took damn near 15 years. and now, after 5 years, because all of a sudden people are clamping down on adderall, i have to pull $400 out of my ass (on top of the almost $200 for the medication itself) to prove what i've already proved in a long and arduous process of trial by fire. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! seriously?! anyone that's had to spend more that an hour in a room alone with me unmedicated can tell you exactly what my damage is by about the 10th time they have to bring me back to the conversation because something shiny happened.
what's more perplexing about this whole thing is that the dude AGREES that i have ADHD. AGREES! i believe his words were "there's no doubt in my mind." so... why do i have to do this? i don't want to sit and do a formal diagnonsense procedure. i know what my damage is. he kept repeating that he was impressed with how high functioning of an aspie i am, maybe that's it? i mean, i'm almost 30, i've had quite a bit of real world experience to teach me to pretend to be normal.
i just don't understand what the deal is here. i've been trying to pick it apart since i got back from the appointment and i keep coming up empty handed. i cannot understand why a doctor that agrees that i have ADHD and is impressed with how i handle my aspie tendencies would want to make me go through a battery of diagnostic testing. the fucked up part? he's talking to my doctor and telling her to continue prescribing the meds! but only as long as i go along with this...
so 5 weeks of intensive diagnostic testing once a week. $415 dollars that i can pay off in increments. at least after all of this i can go to whatever fucking doctor i want and be like "look, con-motherfucking-crete evidence that i am ADHD, give me my speed now."
even better? these are the first 5 weeks of fall semester. oh but wait, it gets better - these are also the last 5 weeks i have to study for the LSAT. god is punishing me. for what i don't know, but punished i am.