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why hello there LJ.
so much has happened these past few weeks, i don't know that i can incorporate it all without losing my train of thought.
the MRI... that didn't go so great. i haven't talked with the doctors yet, but i've had enough that i know what i'm looking at and it aint pretty. the "fusion" is a fucking mess. i use the term fusion lightly. you can see that the only thing holding it together is the plate and a little bit of bone that formed around the cadaver bone that i asked him *not* to use. the vertebrae that were to be fused look like a shelf. one is about 3/4 of the way on top of the other one, but the one that is hanging off is hanging off directly on top of the spinal cord, pinching it, hence the steady loss of motor movement i've been having in my arm. i want the surgeon's head on a stick. any takers? i can pay in cvs gift cards, lol.
work... i'm settling into my new role finally. i struggled deeply with the whole perception of power aspect, but a girl that i work with helped me put it all into perspective. it's my job to be the leader of the pack now, not part of it. the boss doesn't really do much when it comes to the team, he's more of a "make the store run" kind of guy, so it's now my job to take care of everyone. i realize that i'm "management" now and there's always going to be an inkling of resistance. i think of how i was in my early 20's and all anti-authority, so i need to keep that in mind. even though i'm the "cool" manager, i'm still a manager.
love... joey moved out this weekend. it's a long story, and i still love him very much, but when you need to buy a crowbar to drag someone out of your ass when all you want is to be left alone, shit gets mean. we figured it'd be better for him and i to live apart so i don't kill him. this scares me though because living alone means there's no one to help me when i collapse from my various maladies, but it's something that needed to happen if he and i were to still be okay with each other. i'm not sure where it's going from there, but i'm actually enjoying having a space of my own for once without having to hear the TV blaring, or video games going 3 feet from my head and him getting pissed at them, or the stress of living with someone else. guess i'll always be a loner.
... aaaaand the train derailed. i'll have more when the gabapentin isn't making me a slurring retard.
so much has happened these past few weeks, i don't know that i can incorporate it all without losing my train of thought.
the MRI... that didn't go so great. i haven't talked with the doctors yet, but i've had enough that i know what i'm looking at and it aint pretty. the "fusion" is a fucking mess. i use the term fusion lightly. you can see that the only thing holding it together is the plate and a little bit of bone that formed around the cadaver bone that i asked him *not* to use. the vertebrae that were to be fused look like a shelf. one is about 3/4 of the way on top of the other one, but the one that is hanging off is hanging off directly on top of the spinal cord, pinching it, hence the steady loss of motor movement i've been having in my arm. i want the surgeon's head on a stick. any takers? i can pay in cvs gift cards, lol.
work... i'm settling into my new role finally. i struggled deeply with the whole perception of power aspect, but a girl that i work with helped me put it all into perspective. it's my job to be the leader of the pack now, not part of it. the boss doesn't really do much when it comes to the team, he's more of a "make the store run" kind of guy, so it's now my job to take care of everyone. i realize that i'm "management" now and there's always going to be an inkling of resistance. i think of how i was in my early 20's and all anti-authority, so i need to keep that in mind. even though i'm the "cool" manager, i'm still a manager.
love... joey moved out this weekend. it's a long story, and i still love him very much, but when you need to buy a crowbar to drag someone out of your ass when all you want is to be left alone, shit gets mean. we figured it'd be better for him and i to live apart so i don't kill him. this scares me though because living alone means there's no one to help me when i collapse from my various maladies, but it's something that needed to happen if he and i were to still be okay with each other. i'm not sure where it's going from there, but i'm actually enjoying having a space of my own for once without having to hear the TV blaring, or video games going 3 feet from my head and him getting pissed at them, or the stress of living with someone else. guess i'll always be a loner.
... aaaaand the train derailed. i'll have more when the gabapentin isn't making me a slurring retard.
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