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i spent most of this past weekend in bed. it was a mix of depression/feeling like shit/pain being too much to handle i think. niklas was here, i hung out with him a little on saturday, but past that i stayed in bed. apparently his mother has taught him that my name is a swear word and gets in trouble for using it, so now he won't say it. he says all the cat's names, he says his friends from daycare's names, he knows daddy and mommy, but if you ask him to say my name he'll cover his mouth with both hands and shake his head no. mature move on her part.
joey is okay with moving back to lakewood since finishing school is probably out of the question for me. gotta love that your financial aid gets taken away for your VERY LAST SEMESTER in school. i have literally 12 credit ours left. that's 4 classes. i really don't think i have the energy to do both work and school right now anyways, so maybe it's a blessing in disguise. i know i can appeal having my aid taken away, but what's the point? if i get sick or injured again, i'm just going to have to drop again, and they'll take away my aid again. why the fuck should i bother?
the only thing with moving back to lakewood is that i'd have to commute all the way back to kent for work every day. i'm not so sure my wallet can handle that kind of gas, especially with prices climbing. and of course i can't expect joey to make any decisions regarding our housing. our lease is up june first and neither of us have called to say we're leaving. i'm guessing we'll be stuck here another year because he has a temp job that "might" hire him so we need to stay somewhere i can afford on my own when he gets canned again. this place hasn't hired anyone in over 20 years and i think they're telling him that they're gonna hire him just to keep him working hard. and he doesn't understand why i'm pissed he's not looking for other jobs. apparently they keep temps 89 days then get rid of them because if they kept them for 90 they'd have to hire them. nice business practice if you ask me.
i'm still pissy that my savings has all but been wiped clean and i'm having no help restocking it. i have medical bills piling up, people threatening to sue me even though i'm giving them money each month, credit card interest skyrocketing. i'm sick of this, i really am. i'm sick of working my ass off for nothing. i feel like a donkey with a carrot dangled in front of him. "come get your promotion kym! come and get it! HAHAHAHA! YOU'LL NEVER GET IT!!!!" so now i'm doing the ENTIRE job of an assistant manager, the ENTIRE job of a supervisor and sometimes i'm even the cashier. tell me how it's fair that i'm still making LESS than some of the cashiers?
i know, i know, i should be happy to even have a job, even if it makes me want to commit suicide on a daily basis. i just want someone to throw me in front of a bus. or into a trash compactor. something lethal. i just want this misery to end, lol.
i know, same boring whining over and over again. why do you read this then? i just need my luck to change, but i'm afraid to even wish for it because when i do i get shit on. i would get my hopes up for something, anything, but when i do, once again, shit shower. i really don't see a point to continuing this for the rest of my life.
someone in the parking lot of my apartment complex is playing a harmonica. that's so much better than blaring rap out of your hooptie.
joey is okay with moving back to lakewood since finishing school is probably out of the question for me. gotta love that your financial aid gets taken away for your VERY LAST SEMESTER in school. i have literally 12 credit ours left. that's 4 classes. i really don't think i have the energy to do both work and school right now anyways, so maybe it's a blessing in disguise. i know i can appeal having my aid taken away, but what's the point? if i get sick or injured again, i'm just going to have to drop again, and they'll take away my aid again. why the fuck should i bother?
the only thing with moving back to lakewood is that i'd have to commute all the way back to kent for work every day. i'm not so sure my wallet can handle that kind of gas, especially with prices climbing. and of course i can't expect joey to make any decisions regarding our housing. our lease is up june first and neither of us have called to say we're leaving. i'm guessing we'll be stuck here another year because he has a temp job that "might" hire him so we need to stay somewhere i can afford on my own when he gets canned again. this place hasn't hired anyone in over 20 years and i think they're telling him that they're gonna hire him just to keep him working hard. and he doesn't understand why i'm pissed he's not looking for other jobs. apparently they keep temps 89 days then get rid of them because if they kept them for 90 they'd have to hire them. nice business practice if you ask me.
i'm still pissy that my savings has all but been wiped clean and i'm having no help restocking it. i have medical bills piling up, people threatening to sue me even though i'm giving them money each month, credit card interest skyrocketing. i'm sick of this, i really am. i'm sick of working my ass off for nothing. i feel like a donkey with a carrot dangled in front of him. "come get your promotion kym! come and get it! HAHAHAHA! YOU'LL NEVER GET IT!!!!" so now i'm doing the ENTIRE job of an assistant manager, the ENTIRE job of a supervisor and sometimes i'm even the cashier. tell me how it's fair that i'm still making LESS than some of the cashiers?
i know, i know, i should be happy to even have a job, even if it makes me want to commit suicide on a daily basis. i just want someone to throw me in front of a bus. or into a trash compactor. something lethal. i just want this misery to end, lol.
i know, same boring whining over and over again. why do you read this then? i just need my luck to change, but i'm afraid to even wish for it because when i do i get shit on. i would get my hopes up for something, anything, but when i do, once again, shit shower. i really don't see a point to continuing this for the rest of my life.
someone in the parking lot of my apartment complex is playing a harmonica. that's so much better than blaring rap out of your hooptie.