(no subject)

[sprinklethief]

yesterday, i withdrew from college. my body simply cannot handle it anymore. i'm afraid i may need to go on leave from work next. my doctors need to figure out what's happening to me, and they need to figure it out now. i've watched almost everything i've worked so hard for crumble apart and die. everything i enjoy has been taken from me. everything i love is too much for me to handle, and i run out of energy within minutes. this has been one of the most joyless times in my life, and if it continues on much longer, i will not. i simply cannot live like this anymore, and i am not above ending this suffering. i need a goddamn answer. i need a goddamn treatment. i need some fucking reprieve. i need to know an end is in sight, i need to know that this is not how the rest of my life is going to be. i don't know how long i can keep on in so much pain. i know you're all sick of hearing this shit, but boo-fucking-hoo - i have to LIVE it so i think you'll be okay.

i meet with a surgeon on monday. i might just ask him for a lobotomy instead of spine surgery.

Comments

[indy-skies.livejournal.com]

damn. damn. damn. i'm so sorry to hear it has come to this. all the people that love you would miss you terribly - including me - if you left us. i hope the surgeon gives you some hope. lay it all out for him... tell him you can't live like this a second more. i'm sure you're going to do this anyway... but be that squeaky wheel.

[cujokisses.livejournal.com]

fuck man.. I'm so sorry. =(

You've worked so hard just to be okay. While I half-saw this coming, I was praying for the opposite. Out of everyone I know that has suffered, I have seen an incredible amount of effort made by you to dig yourself out of your hole and you have just SO MUCH potential, while others have not done SHIT to help themselves. I know this sucks so much right now and I can kind of understand where you are since I was just in a similar place though probably not in as much physical pain, and I can openly admit that I was nowhere close to where you made it to yet in my college life. Go to the doc, get your surgery, and seriously just take it step by step. Don't overwhelm yourself with what can't do right now. These things happen to people. Sucks it happened now, but when does it happen that it doesn't suck really? I believe you will be able to take over where you left off again and that this isn't the end of the road for you. If this becomes one of those things you will have to deal with for life, I trust you will find a way to manage. You're a strong person and I totally believe that you can get through practically anything.

<3
Gen

[couchemal.livejournal.com]

Oh man, that sucks so hard. I hope they have something helpful to offer.

[stylish-deviant.livejournal.com]

i'm sorry love, i wish there was something i could do...