(no subject)

[sprinklethief]

okay, so i got the okay to go off antidepressants in february, so i did. i was on welbutrin and it really didn't seem to be doing much of anything anymore. i really haven't noticed too much of a difference by way of depression is concerned. i was super depressed then, and i am now. same ol' same ol'. i *have* been on it for about 6 years (give or take a few months here and there) so maybe my body just got used to it? around this time i was also unable to afford my stomach meds (nexium) due to joey still not having found a job and sick pay being stripped down to only $60 a week.

sooooo anyhoo... when i got off percocet at the end of march, i was also able to go off of the phenergan which was given to me to combat the massive scale nausea i tend to get with narcotics. i also totally cut out muscle relaxers (which i took maybe 2-3 times a month anyways).

so for those keeping track, that left me with my multivitamin (doc still wants me on pre-natals due to my gross lack of iron and folic acid) and my ancient-ass birth control - ortho-novum 7/7/7 for the PCOS. these are the only two things i've NEVER had a problem with.

well, i had a feeling that my incessant coughing and chest pain might be from the zollinger ellison funtime (why i have GERD) so i experimented with over-the-counter stuff (including prilosec) to no avail, so now i'm on protonix which has done good for me in the past. the nexium was cheaper, but now it's the other way around, must be getting ready to go generic or something... anyhoo, coughing and chest pain didn't go away, tho my tummy doesn't hurt anymore.

now, i was on cymbalta briefly a few years ago. it was AMAZING for my neuropathic nightmare, kicked the shit out of my depression and helped with the fact that when i *do* sleep, it's for 20 hour clips. downside? periods that bled like a murder scene, unable to have an orgasm and the death of my libido. oh, and it was hard to pee sometimes. the only reason i went off of it was because wyl wanted me to because i wasn't frisky in any way anymore. funny thing is, when i went off of it i still wasn't. i think the situation caused me to harbor a secret grudge for not being able to take something that worked amongst many other issues.

i think that the reason my breathing nightmare didn't erupt when the mold fairy graced our home is because i was on the phenergan 24/7 with the percocet. i'm currently taking zyrtec to help, and it does, but i think it may be too late for my lungs. they gave me the classic albuterol inhaler to help along with some codine cough syrup that i tend to shy away from because of the whole just having kicked narcotics thing. my chest still hurts/burns/stings/whatever.

so my thoughts about all of this:
* i'm cool with the vitamin and the birth control.
* i'm cool with the protonix. i see a very stable triad there, never had a problem with any of them.
* i still take adderall when i have to work because i simply cannot function for more than 3 hours without a nap unless i do. my fatigue is absolutely out of control, but luckily my ADHD saves my ass med-wise.
* my depression simply cannot be ignored anymore. neither can this fucking pain.

possible future plans:
* i'm thinking about asking to try the cymbalta again. joey is more than patient with me, and i know that he wants more than anything else (besides maybe getting laid a little more often - right now i'm in so much pain that i can't even snuggle for very long) to see me *not* be in pain and happy, and i'm right there alongside him. i warned him of what happened last time and he said "maybe you just needed to give it a little longer to even out?" i'd never even thought of that. i just cacn't deal with this depression anymore, it's been around too long and is affecting too much.

* on the same note, i was thinking of asking for topomax again (yes, retard-o-tron pills). i was thinking of this only because i remember being superultramegahappy on cymbalta, and i can easily see that becoming a mania or even a bout of psychosis. on the flipside, if i come down off of this super-high, i can also see a massive scale depression rocking the fuck out of me, so i feel i should really have a mood stabilizer until i can learn to navigate these emotions appropriately. i would *love* to go back to lamictal, but i never want to have to face that awful rash again.

i go to the regular doc today for some blood tests. i dunno what they're doing but i plan on getting the printout of everything they're running because i just want to know. we're also going to discuss an immunologist and/or pulmonologist. maybe we'll finally have some answers soon.

i see the pdoc next monday, whereupon i'll be asking her to pour me a new med cocktail.

dunno why i felt the need to share, guess i just had to get it all down somewhere.

Comments

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

what if we lop off your feet?

[couchemal.livejournal.com]

Removing my knees would be cool, all they do is hurt me these days.