(no subject)

[sprinklethief]

a year ago today i had to let go of my best friend of 16 years. she's been in my thoughts every day ever since. i saw an ornament at target of a tiny black and white kitty with wings and a halo and totally lost it over the weekend. she was my best friend, she was my cuddle buddy, she was my crying partner. she always looked up at me so lovingly - all the time. she always curled up so lovingly next to me night after night, purring her little precious heart away only wanting to be near me, usually clutching my finger in her little paw while resting her head on my arm.

the pain is still exactly the same as it was a year ago - i still get to the very edge of crying just thinking about her and how horribly i miss her every single day. i never wanted to let her go, and the circumstances surrounding it were so frustrating. the vet missed CANCER. something the new vet picked up right away because the mass had gotten so big. had the vet we were going to actually cared there's a chance she'd still be with us today.

yappa, my little angel, i miss you so much. i'm so sorry i couldn't do more for you, i'm so sorry i had to be the last face you'd ever see in this life, and i'm so sorry your last days were so horrible. i love you kitty. i miss you and i love you.

Comments

[woodfaery.livejournal.com]

That post made my eyes water.
I still start tearing up and crying when I think of Grommit. ((our family's old boxer. I feel like I didn't do enough for him))
You shouldn't feel sorry that your face was the last face she ever saw, it's sounds like that's how it should of been considering how much your loved each other.

[lsdentheogen.livejournal.com]

... and my little buddy of the bad breath, hanging onto my sweater while I scratched, and she slobbered and purred... awesome kitty.

Yours is the best and only last face she should have seen.

Yappa lived a good life because of you.

[radiation88.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. She loved you and you gave her a good life. I'm sure she's in kitty heaven. (If there's any sort of heaven out there, it's for animals, I know it.)

[transmission00.livejournal.com]

you totally should have gotten that ornament, if you didn't.
i have a little yoshi shrine-thing. it helps for me. i still need to get something for his ashes. but yeah, that last paragraph, exactly. i tend to think of laying my head on the table by yoshi's face as the vet gave him the injection, and then hearing the vet saying "he's gone." i wish so bad i could have done something else. kinda makes me want to turn stone and not bring in anymore animals. of course, as i look down at rikku sitting sweetly in my lap i know that is something i couldn't do. (yes! rikku! sweet! omg!)
but yeah, i feel ya girl. <3

(and I totally miss you, too. was just talking about you with chris a few hours ago.)

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

i remember lisa telling me about grommit. it sucks to lose someone so close to you. i don't think this will ever heal, but i remember all the love and good things she and i shared. i still get teary eyed and cry but that squeezing feeling in my chest goes away a little.

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

::wimper:: i'm still so pissed you didn't get a chance to say goodbye. you were the only other person she was like that with.

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

i agree. i like to picture her curled up on a plastic bag (her favorite) exhale-purring at me from above

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

the "she's gone" killed me the most because everyone at that vet had become her second family so the vet was crying too. it's such a horrible memory. i curled up under the table and bawled for a good hour at least.

i have a yappa shrine too. it really does help. i think i will get that ornament too, you're right.

(we were up there last weekend ya jerks!)

[woodfaery.livejournal.com]

I was at Target yesterday and saw the ornament. It was adorable.