(no subject)

yesterday, i withdrew from college. my body simply cannot handle it anymore. i'm afraid i may need to go on leave from work next. my doctors need to figure out what's happening to me, and they need to figure it out now. i've watched almost everything i've worked so hard for crumble apart and die. everything i enjoy has been taken from me. everything i love is too much for me to handle, and i run out of energy within minutes. this has been one of the most joyless times in my life, and if it continues on much longer, i will not. i simply cannot live like this anymore, and i am not above ending this suffering. i need a goddamn answer. i need a goddamn treatment. i need some fucking reprieve. i need to know an end is in sight, i need to know that this is not how the rest of my life is going to be. i don't know how long i can keep on in so much pain. i know you're all sick of hearing this shit, but boo-fucking-hoo - i have to LIVE it so i think you'll be okay.

i meet with a surgeon on monday. i might just ask him for a lobotomy instead of spine surgery.

(no subject)

and to top it all off, i have two mystery charges from house of blues that have posted to my bank account in addition to the one that is legit. it's not bad enough that i had to sleep up until the concert and come home and go back to sleep after the concert in order to be able to make it through the whole thing, they have to rape me for an additional $50.

kill me.