not having insurance is the shit

[sprinklethief]

so apparently my pdoc appointment was canceled today. no one told me. they said they left a phone message a month ago. i haven't been getting any messages for at least a month so i know that isn't true (unless someone forgot to tell me that i got one before they erased it...).

i was livid.

and they cant get me in until FEBRUARY!!!!!! what a great time to start new meds, you know, RIGHT AFTER THE START OF THE SEMESTER WHEN I ACTUALLY NEED TO CONCENTRATE!!!!!!! they did that to me this semester and i've struggled harder than i've ever struggled before in school.

what's better is that i've been out of the one med that keeps me from killing other people (and myself) for about 6 days now. i'm just now starting to get the dizzies from it, and the inability to stay awake (i was awake for a grand total of 7 hours yesterday). i called the refill line a week ago and never heard anything back, and i mentioned that today as well. "we never got a message from you!" greeeeeeeeat.

i knew the minute they maxed out my dosage that i'd end up getting screwed out of it somehow. they maxed out my dosage and a little over a month later i'm forced to go cold turkey. i fucking love this shit, it rocks my fucking world. it's my favorite fucking thing next to digging my own eyes out with a fork made of salt and rubbing alcohol.

if i had insurance i wouldn't have to put up with this crap anymore, but work makes sure i stay without insurance by fucking with my hours constantly.

fuck everything. i'm so sick of trying to cope in everyone else's world. i'm so sick of being fucked over, forgotten and pushed around. if i act out in retaliation i'm a fucking nutjob (but if a regular person does, they're just angry). i can't handle much more of ANY of this bullshit that i call a life. i'm so let down that after all that hard work, this ball of shit is all i have to show for it. this wonderful fucking life i lead. fuck everything, fuck everything so hard it breaks into a million pieces and kills everything else.

i'm going back to bed. hopefully i don't wake up this time.

Comments

[couchemal.livejournal.com]

What are you on, again? I might be able to help. I have a ton of propanalol, for instance.

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

propanalol has saved my freaking life. i didn't realize how bad my migraines were until i didn't have them anymore. then i missed a dose and got a fingernails-on-chalkboard earth shattering migraine and was all like "oh, so that's what that was like... GIMMIE DRUGS!" it's done wonders for my anxiety too. i'm sort of against benzos due to my addictive nature so i've kind of been SOL until this came along

right now i'm out of wellbutrin, and it doesn't help that she weaned me off of my mood stabilizer and we were going to figure out what to do next today, but now i have to fucking suffer another few months of uncontrollable emotional happy time. i hate being crazy :P

[couchemal.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I had headaches every single day myself, but had gotten used to them sort of, other than poisoning my liver a little every with tylenol.

I'm against benzos too, even though I'm on klonopin. Fortunately I hate the stuff so that's not likely to go anywhere bad.

I have no wellbutrin, sadly, or I'd mail it to you. No mood stabilizers either unless you count lamictal, which I know you don't, scabby rash person. ;)

[waffles2poles.livejournal.com]

Well, damn...

Anything I say is going to sound like an after school special.

So...

Uh, hug?

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

lol, thank you

[matafleur.livejournal.com]

did you go to the union about your manager being dickwhorish? they might have advise on the hour thing