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waking up has by far got to be the shittiest part of my day. the pain is so intense that i almost always try to talk myself into going back to sleep, but that responsible part of me always seems to win (except friday, it totally got it's ass kicked on friday).
i finally went to a doctor after almost a year of fear brought on by the psycho ass doctor that said there was nothing wrong with me, i was just depressed. mind you, this woman was ready to give me a million different pills and remedies until i told her i was bipolar, then all of a sudden everything that was wrong with me was because i was depressed.
so i finally got the courage to go to a doctor because this is getting out of hand. i've been trying to grin and bare it because i was actually convinced that perhaps this was all in my head but i've actually developed a distinct limp over the past several months. the pharmacists at work have started calling me dr. house (you know, the whole going to be a doctor thing and all...) and i can't grip things tightly with my hands anymore. I'M 25 GODAMN YEARS OLD (well almost 26, but still)! when whatever this is gets really bad it seems to be accompanied with a low grade fever as well as swollen glands that make me feel like i'm wearing a turtle neck, and my joints ace, oh god do they ache. my knees actually bruise they hurt so bad. not from impact but from... well i'm not actually sure what.
so something else i never really put together was the fact that i have this nice large raised lump just beneath my ankle. wyl and i have referred to it as my third ankle as long as it's been there. it's about the size of an ankle, the hardness of an ankle and sometimes gets inflamed - boy that's comfy. turns out there's one on my elbow too that i've never noticed (it makes one elbow bigger than the other) and one on my hip as well as a few on my knees.
fun.
so i go to a doctor. at the university, none the less. so i'm terrified from the get go. i told her right off the bat that i was scared of doctors - which was funny considering my majors so she got a nice chuckle out of that, plus she was all of like 5 foot 1 inches so i was actually taller than her - which is a rarity. i let her know all the crap i'd been through - the psycho that once she found out i was bipolar insisted that everything i said was hurting was because i was depressed, the people at the hospital that refused to treat me because they insisted i was only trying to get pain medication (even though i asked them NOT to give me pain meds, i just wanted to know what was going on...) and so on, and how i was really reluctant to even come in to her office but i just couldn't take it anymore and pretending like it wasn't that bad was getting very hard because it IS that bad now.
so i verbally barf all over this woman and she sympathetically looks at me and says "so what's wrong?" durpa-duuurr. i totally forgot to tell her. yeah, score one for the memory damaged bipolar freak who wants to be treated normally that goes in there swingin'. yeah, i rule. so i started trying to mentally check off the list and she starts checking stuff off for me which was a little freaky.
she seemed really concerned about the pains in the back of my ribs and the breathing problems/chest pains. she said something about pleurisy but how it might be linked to the bigger picture. she had me get up to get on the bed thingy and my body did it's whole rice crispy snap crackle pop thing that any of you that have been near me have heard which caught her off guard too.
annnnnyway, she had me go to the lab (i guess the university has its own lab in house so it only takes like a day or so to process test results) and have some dipshit student nurse take blood (that had to be redone because she contaminated my sample so hopefully it's done by my follow up on monday) to check my for anemia, check my white blood cell count, an ANA test and a rheumatoid factor test. apparently she called the psycho doctor that swore up and down that there was nothing auto-immune wrong with me to get my test results... they never did an ANA. how the hell can you tell me there's nothing auto-immune without an ANA? she just did a ton of basic blood work to shut me up.
so she's looking for rheumatoid arthritis but not ruling out lupus. not sure how i feel about that. i'd be glad to know once and for all that's for sure, because then i could start kicking it's ass, but i feel really betrayed by general medicine once again because of that psycho doctor that said she was looking for this and could have caught it but totally missed it and gave me a year of thinking "maybe i really am making this up" and thinking i'm mental.
this entry is too long. i just wanted to get this out. i'll probably end up erasing it, lol.
i finally went to a doctor after almost a year of fear brought on by the psycho ass doctor that said there was nothing wrong with me, i was just depressed. mind you, this woman was ready to give me a million different pills and remedies until i told her i was bipolar, then all of a sudden everything that was wrong with me was because i was depressed.
so i finally got the courage to go to a doctor because this is getting out of hand. i've been trying to grin and bare it because i was actually convinced that perhaps this was all in my head but i've actually developed a distinct limp over the past several months. the pharmacists at work have started calling me dr. house (you know, the whole going to be a doctor thing and all...) and i can't grip things tightly with my hands anymore. I'M 25 GODAMN YEARS OLD (well almost 26, but still)! when whatever this is gets really bad it seems to be accompanied with a low grade fever as well as swollen glands that make me feel like i'm wearing a turtle neck, and my joints ace, oh god do they ache. my knees actually bruise they hurt so bad. not from impact but from... well i'm not actually sure what.
so something else i never really put together was the fact that i have this nice large raised lump just beneath my ankle. wyl and i have referred to it as my third ankle as long as it's been there. it's about the size of an ankle, the hardness of an ankle and sometimes gets inflamed - boy that's comfy. turns out there's one on my elbow too that i've never noticed (it makes one elbow bigger than the other) and one on my hip as well as a few on my knees.
fun.
so i go to a doctor. at the university, none the less. so i'm terrified from the get go. i told her right off the bat that i was scared of doctors - which was funny considering my majors so she got a nice chuckle out of that, plus she was all of like 5 foot 1 inches so i was actually taller than her - which is a rarity. i let her know all the crap i'd been through - the psycho that once she found out i was bipolar insisted that everything i said was hurting was because i was depressed, the people at the hospital that refused to treat me because they insisted i was only trying to get pain medication (even though i asked them NOT to give me pain meds, i just wanted to know what was going on...) and so on, and how i was really reluctant to even come in to her office but i just couldn't take it anymore and pretending like it wasn't that bad was getting very hard because it IS that bad now.
so i verbally barf all over this woman and she sympathetically looks at me and says "so what's wrong?" durpa-duuurr. i totally forgot to tell her. yeah, score one for the memory damaged bipolar freak who wants to be treated normally that goes in there swingin'. yeah, i rule. so i started trying to mentally check off the list and she starts checking stuff off for me which was a little freaky.
she seemed really concerned about the pains in the back of my ribs and the breathing problems/chest pains. she said something about pleurisy but how it might be linked to the bigger picture. she had me get up to get on the bed thingy and my body did it's whole rice crispy snap crackle pop thing that any of you that have been near me have heard which caught her off guard too.
annnnnyway, she had me go to the lab (i guess the university has its own lab in house so it only takes like a day or so to process test results) and have some dipshit student nurse take blood (that had to be redone because she contaminated my sample so hopefully it's done by my follow up on monday) to check my for anemia, check my white blood cell count, an ANA test and a rheumatoid factor test. apparently she called the psycho doctor that swore up and down that there was nothing auto-immune wrong with me to get my test results... they never did an ANA. how the hell can you tell me there's nothing auto-immune without an ANA? she just did a ton of basic blood work to shut me up.
so she's looking for rheumatoid arthritis but not ruling out lupus. not sure how i feel about that. i'd be glad to know once and for all that's for sure, because then i could start kicking it's ass, but i feel really betrayed by general medicine once again because of that psycho doctor that said she was looking for this and could have caught it but totally missed it and gave me a year of thinking "maybe i really am making this up" and thinking i'm mental.
this entry is too long. i just wanted to get this out. i'll probably end up erasing it, lol.
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