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you know you've lived an interesting life when frantically searching for a paystub you unearth some polaroids of former slaves in... precarious positions, heh. i was showing off my japanese rope bondage skills (it's actually a very neat and intricate art so don't go thinking it's all pervy :P)
didn't even know i had those, i thought i destroyed everything from the dungeon days (except the bitchin' corsets and photoshoots).
also, HELLO MIXED STATE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?!?
being off meds has NOT been easy, but i think i've been keeping my cool exceptionally well considering what's going on in my head vs. what comes out in actions/words.
i've been up for almost 10 hours. that was after a 16 hour sleep-a-thon. it only took a 6 pack of mickeys, 2 vicodin 750's and a flexerol to knock me out for good too. just so ya'll know, i ususally only require 5-7 hours of sleep so this is VERY unusual. my appointment with the new doc is april 6th. i'm thinking about finally coming clean about the ADD to see if i can get some kind of help with that and see if it helps the bipolar/schizo combo (yes i've been researching my ass off on meds since i know whoever this bitch is will want to stick me on some bullshit and i'll have to know how to counter her).
i wish i could just take nothing and be okay, but after what's been living in my head this week i know it's not a good idea, plus every other time i've gone off meds bad stuff happens, like attacking your boyfriend and losing a fist fight with his wall and not remembering it, or attacking another boyfriend with a table, random suicide attempt and not remembering hardly any of it, clocking people... yeah you see how it goes. luckily nothing's been upsetting me (or at least nothing i can rationalize into being hideously angry over) so as long as everything stays calm for the next few days i should be okay.
yeah, this entry is already longer than intended.
didn't even know i had those, i thought i destroyed everything from the dungeon days (except the bitchin' corsets and photoshoots).
also, HELLO MIXED STATE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?!?
being off meds has NOT been easy, but i think i've been keeping my cool exceptionally well considering what's going on in my head vs. what comes out in actions/words.
i've been up for almost 10 hours. that was after a 16 hour sleep-a-thon. it only took a 6 pack of mickeys, 2 vicodin 750's and a flexerol to knock me out for good too. just so ya'll know, i ususally only require 5-7 hours of sleep so this is VERY unusual. my appointment with the new doc is april 6th. i'm thinking about finally coming clean about the ADD to see if i can get some kind of help with that and see if it helps the bipolar/schizo combo (yes i've been researching my ass off on meds since i know whoever this bitch is will want to stick me on some bullshit and i'll have to know how to counter her).
i wish i could just take nothing and be okay, but after what's been living in my head this week i know it's not a good idea, plus every other time i've gone off meds bad stuff happens, like attacking your boyfriend and losing a fist fight with his wall and not remembering it, or attacking another boyfriend with a table, random suicide attempt and not remembering hardly any of it, clocking people... yeah you see how it goes. luckily nothing's been upsetting me (or at least nothing i can rationalize into being hideously angry over) so as long as everything stays calm for the next few days i should be okay.
yeah, this entry is already longer than intended.