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christmas eve, i worked. some lady freaked out on me because the pharmacy was closed and knocked all the shit off the counters and screamed and yelled in front of her quite embarassed looking child. bunch of retards asked all day long "wha'd you do to get stuck working today, a'hyuck!" so eventually i looked them in the face and said "i have no family and no one who wants me around them for the holidays so i work christmas eve while everyone else goes home to their family." and as they left "i'll see you on easter!" yeah, i hope they all felt like assholes. not everyone in the world has a fucking happy family and wonderous visions of egg nog and sprinkles and presants and santa claus farting reindeer and candy canes down chimneys. then i came home and waited faithfully for someone who forgot about me.
christmas... was stupid. i saw my nephew, but he came from his mother's house so he was in a foul mood and had to be put down for a nap after we fed him. i don't think she does anything with him when he's there, like feed him or let him sleep or hold him or anything. he's so sad and cranky when he leaves there. mom bitched me out for multiple reasons. brother bitched me out, again for multiple reasons. i counted the minutes until my laundry was done, because stupidly enough i brought some thinking i might actually have a nice time so i might want to stay long enough to do some free laundry. then i came home and waited hours for someone who again forgot about me until much later when i'd already given up. but at least i was suprised. then i got to see all the wonderful things all the happy people got from their happy families and hear all the happy stories about silly mishaps and wonderful unexpected visitors and fun fun FUN! all the while in the back of my mind all i could think was SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP. yeah, i'm glad you all had such a wonderful time, thanks for rubbing it in my face. i had a miserable holiday and i love it when you say you'd include me and then not. i'm easily forgetable.
i wish i could go back to when this shit didn't mean anything to me. i was so much happier this time of year before i knew what it meant to have a family, to be included in all of this. i was happy just hanging out by myself until the usual suspects were done with their family stuff that i had no idea what it was about then we would all go to denny's and be assholes (except to the waitress who would always get a lofty tip. i mean, it IS christmas after all...).
this was my mother's first attempt at christmas. and it was pretty bad. i'm happy i was invited though, no matter how miserable it was. it's nice to be a thought instead of an afterthought.
loot:
* my brother... this is great... my brother is a g-funk gangsta rapper. and he actually got me a gift... which was a metal compilation cd that's actually not half bad (it's got some old arch enemy on it, some behemoth... i cant remember what else), but it's hot topic exclusive - meaning my brother had to go into hot topic. that just entertains me to no end, thinking about him walking in there scared as shit trying to find me a gift.
* my mother gave me a bunch of old pictures of me when i was little since i'm an "adult" now and it's time to pass them on aparently. also included were my school pictures through the ages... quite entertaining.
and baby drool. lots of baby drool.
the bad outweighed the good this year, i don't know why i'm suprised. actually, come to think of it, i'm really not. it's been an all around shitty year, why shouldn't it continue till the bitter end?
oh yeah, i work until exactly midnight on new years. so yeah... until the very fucking bitter end, lol.
if next year even sligtly BEGINS to resemble this year i'm so putting a bullet in my head.
christmas... was stupid. i saw my nephew, but he came from his mother's house so he was in a foul mood and had to be put down for a nap after we fed him. i don't think she does anything with him when he's there, like feed him or let him sleep or hold him or anything. he's so sad and cranky when he leaves there. mom bitched me out for multiple reasons. brother bitched me out, again for multiple reasons. i counted the minutes until my laundry was done, because stupidly enough i brought some thinking i might actually have a nice time so i might want to stay long enough to do some free laundry. then i came home and waited hours for someone who again forgot about me until much later when i'd already given up. but at least i was suprised. then i got to see all the wonderful things all the happy people got from their happy families and hear all the happy stories about silly mishaps and wonderful unexpected visitors and fun fun FUN! all the while in the back of my mind all i could think was SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP. yeah, i'm glad you all had such a wonderful time, thanks for rubbing it in my face. i had a miserable holiday and i love it when you say you'd include me and then not. i'm easily forgetable.
i wish i could go back to when this shit didn't mean anything to me. i was so much happier this time of year before i knew what it meant to have a family, to be included in all of this. i was happy just hanging out by myself until the usual suspects were done with their family stuff that i had no idea what it was about then we would all go to denny's and be assholes (except to the waitress who would always get a lofty tip. i mean, it IS christmas after all...).
this was my mother's first attempt at christmas. and it was pretty bad. i'm happy i was invited though, no matter how miserable it was. it's nice to be a thought instead of an afterthought.
loot:
* my brother... this is great... my brother is a g-funk gangsta rapper. and he actually got me a gift... which was a metal compilation cd that's actually not half bad (it's got some old arch enemy on it, some behemoth... i cant remember what else), but it's hot topic exclusive - meaning my brother had to go into hot topic. that just entertains me to no end, thinking about him walking in there scared as shit trying to find me a gift.
* my mother gave me a bunch of old pictures of me when i was little since i'm an "adult" now and it's time to pass them on aparently. also included were my school pictures through the ages... quite entertaining.
and baby drool. lots of baby drool.
the bad outweighed the good this year, i don't know why i'm suprised. actually, come to think of it, i'm really not. it's been an all around shitty year, why shouldn't it continue till the bitter end?
oh yeah, i work until exactly midnight on new years. so yeah... until the very fucking bitter end, lol.
if next year even sligtly BEGINS to resemble this year i'm so putting a bullet in my head.
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you gotta go through crap to get to... um... the small intestine?
thank you for the well wishes, they are much appreceated :)
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just move here already, because you know I love you and I'll gladly include you in my chosen "family" functions
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nah, i just need to forget what i've come to know as "family"
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and you can come with me, to any holiday. I'll make sure that you are welcomed, wanted, and loved.
*hugs*
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I don't celebrate New Year's Eve like other people I guess. My husband was a little bit shocked I think when I told him I didn't want to go do anything. It's the end of a year. Be it good or bad. I've worked many a New Year's Eve and it's not so bad. Kinda funny when the drunks come in.
I don't know where I was going with this comment other than to tell you that I think you are an awesome woman. You stand up in the face of adversity and I've seen you keep going when weaker people would have collapsed.
So this New Year's Eve when you are working...At exactly midnight I want you to stop and think..."this new year is going to be better. I am a strong beautiful woman and I'm going to make things happen this coming year."
Peace love and happiness
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i'm really trying to work on keeping positive tho it might not seem it. my negative is usually what comes out in the journal for some reason...
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You're always free to call us, if you'd like to hang out.
We thought that maybe we were being to insistant on it or that mebbe we were infringing on your space, y'know?
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i've just been kinda antisocial and an emotional wreck and sick a lot. i fell asleep right after work the night you guys invited me out and was really embarassed i didn't call...
you're not infringing :)
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I'm sorry you've been sick.. any word on what the deal is with that? Hardcore virus?
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