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i can't sleep. after last night there's no way in hell i'm taking an ambien. my acid days are over for a reason.
i'm really bummed out about my car. you never really realize how much your car gives you freedom until you're bumming rides, ashamed as fuck that you have to do so. i can't ride my bike cuz my back is all fucked up, same with extended walks. joey's car randomly doesn't start if you've only driven it a short distance, plus its difficult for me to get into because its so low down to the ground. its also pretty much falling apart. it always sounds like something is going to snap and fall off when you go around corners and there's a hole in the gas tank.
when i get really upset savage henry (my car) and i would pick out some good music and cruise the back roads. when i have to escape, we do the same thing. i could really use that right now, its really cool out, the crickets are singing - perfect back road cruising night.
i'm happy for my time alone, my head is all kinds of fucked right now and i'm not really sure why. some psychologist i am. school is depressing me right now for some reason (though i'm certain that will pass). having all the students back really irritates me too.
i'm getting old. i never used to feel it before, but now... now i do. i look at models for clothing lines and think "christ, get some clothes on that kid!!" and then i realize "that kid" is like 20. my health is shit, i'm always in pain. my arthritis kicks my ass on a daily basis. my arthritis. seriously. i don't know ANY of the music on the radio these days post 1999, hell, more like 1995.
i really fucked my life up because of all the dumb crap i did from my late teens to early/mid 20s. i know for a fact that a great deal of my health issues are more than likely from binge drinking every night from ages 19 - 24 along with the thousands, hell - probably millions - of dollars of drugs i've done. i'm sure strutting around on 9-inch platform heels (the "christ heels" i called them) for the better part of 6 years really didn't help much. neither did smoking for more than a decade.
i wouldn't say i'm filled with regret. no, i think its more along the lines of reflection at this point. i should have been farther along in life. i shouldn't be living in some shit-hole tiny apartment finishing my first degree. i should be finishing grad school. i shouldn't be 27 years old and being the night manager at a drug store. i should have done something more by now. i should have known better.
i'll admit it, i'm depressed. guess my meds pooped out on me. time for another med change i guess.
i'm really bummed out about my car. you never really realize how much your car gives you freedom until you're bumming rides, ashamed as fuck that you have to do so. i can't ride my bike cuz my back is all fucked up, same with extended walks. joey's car randomly doesn't start if you've only driven it a short distance, plus its difficult for me to get into because its so low down to the ground. its also pretty much falling apart. it always sounds like something is going to snap and fall off when you go around corners and there's a hole in the gas tank.
when i get really upset savage henry (my car) and i would pick out some good music and cruise the back roads. when i have to escape, we do the same thing. i could really use that right now, its really cool out, the crickets are singing - perfect back road cruising night.
i'm happy for my time alone, my head is all kinds of fucked right now and i'm not really sure why. some psychologist i am. school is depressing me right now for some reason (though i'm certain that will pass). having all the students back really irritates me too.
i'm getting old. i never used to feel it before, but now... now i do. i look at models for clothing lines and think "christ, get some clothes on that kid!!" and then i realize "that kid" is like 20. my health is shit, i'm always in pain. my arthritis kicks my ass on a daily basis. my arthritis. seriously. i don't know ANY of the music on the radio these days post 1999, hell, more like 1995.
i really fucked my life up because of all the dumb crap i did from my late teens to early/mid 20s. i know for a fact that a great deal of my health issues are more than likely from binge drinking every night from ages 19 - 24 along with the thousands, hell - probably millions - of dollars of drugs i've done. i'm sure strutting around on 9-inch platform heels (the "christ heels" i called them) for the better part of 6 years really didn't help much. neither did smoking for more than a decade.
i wouldn't say i'm filled with regret. no, i think its more along the lines of reflection at this point. i should have been farther along in life. i shouldn't be living in some shit-hole tiny apartment finishing my first degree. i should be finishing grad school. i shouldn't be 27 years old and being the night manager at a drug store. i should have done something more by now. i should have known better.
i'll admit it, i'm depressed. guess my meds pooped out on me. time for another med change i guess.