take me alive...

this new pain med has made my life into a blur. i enjoy being pain-free, if only for a little while, but i'd really like my brain back now. i want to hurry up and get all this crap over with already, it's eaten up too much of my life. so many things i have to miss out on because i'm physically unable to do them. always feeling miserable. i'm losing faith that the docs will ever fix me and they're just scoping gout my insurance.

i just don't want to be in so much pain anymore... is that too much to ask?