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i can't fucking stand today. today can kiss my ass.
virtually nothing is packed. and what little is packed is being packed at an ULTRA slow pace. browsing the internet is NOT packing. i have no time to do the uber super speed kym packing because i'm spending 10-13 hours a day at work. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO PACK EVERYTHING AND STILL FUCKING GET SLEEP?!? i wish just for a few days wyl and i could switch. he could work the 10-13 hour days and i could work the four hour days and have the room packed. of course he'd get about as much done here as i would working 4 hours as he's not trained as an LO, lol.
i'm being blamed for someone else moving around kitty boxes confusing the poor retarded beasts and suddenly i have magical happy littler boxes that came out of nowhere that i'm responsible for. I DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING BUY THEM! HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THEY'RE THERE?!?!?!?!?!?! so the cats are confused all to hell and back because the litter boxes are all gone now except the ones in my room. they never go anywhere except the litter boxes in my room. sensing a trend? i sure as fuck am. move litter boxes = confuse cats, no litter boxes = kitty poo in unwanted places. simple math there. no need to talk shit about me behind my back to other people ESPECIALLY MY HUSBAND.
i have got some of the biggest RETARD BORROWERS i've ever had (with the exception of one... there's one borrower that will forever hold the stupid title). i mean seriously. "get a pen and write down what i'm about to say" then i say it all VERY slowly. "okay, so that's all i need from you at this point. income docs." "what's an income doc?" "the things i just told you to write down!" "oh, i wasn't listening." WHAT.
i think the house has mold in the ceiling that's making me sick. with or without mental meds i've been very sick and coughing up a rainbow of fluids over the past few months. sometimes it's worse than others. what's even MORE fun is that if it's black mold it can KILL ME because i have a primary immune deficciency disorder. GREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! good thing i'm moving out NOW.
that fucking house has it out for me. first i slip in neglected DOG SHIT all over the driveway and BREAK MY FUCKING BACK (yeah, i'm up to almost $5000 in medical bills for treatments.... still no apology and i'm nice enough NOT to sue) and now it's after my lungs. i have an odd feeling that slipping on the grime in the bathtub that's ALWAYS THERE no matter HOW hard you scrub and conking my head of the faucet a few months ago might be the culprit of my incredible migranes i have now. i'm so glad to be leaving amityville before it kills me.
and the move... omg i feel like i'm juggling 80 freaking chansaws. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DRAG THE GODDAMN THING OUT OVER A FEW DAYS. i NEED to have everything taken care of FRIDAY. NO fucking excuses. there's no fucking way around it. I WILL BE IN MY NEW HOME FRIDAY, I WILL NOT SLEEP ANYMORE NIGHTS IN A HOUSE THAT MAKES ME PHYSICALLY ILL.
once this move is over and i return to some level of physical health (omg, we'll have WINDOWS!!! TONS OF WINDOWS!!!!! [i have .5 window right now]. AND FRESH AIR!!!! I CAN FUCKING BREATHE!!!!!!) i'm sure the stress level won't be so close to redline, but right now... i picked one hell of a time to wean off of my meds. not toatally off right now or else many people would be headless, but slowly trying to cope without fucking prescription bullshit. i'm tired of being poisoned from all sides.
i wish i could just handle everything AND have time to work AND relax, but i can't. and i've got to face that no one will do as good of a job as i would because i'm a goddamn perfectionist and a firm believer in doing something right the first time so i don't have to go back and fix it. i'm just out of patience, out of tolerance and out of health. it's time for this nightmare to END. just 2 more days.... i think i'm going to take the entire day off on friday to move the entire apartment myself if everyone else wants to go turtle speed. this is something i need. my life is being sucked out and i can't take it. I NEED OUT!
and to top it all off, i wanted to stop at dairy queen to get some ice cream for my sore throat and esophogus and stomach and the idiots on the road turned a 25 minute journey into a 45 minute journey. all i wanted was some ice cream :(. no blizzard for me. lol
i just need this to be over. i want to be chillin' with my view of the burning river and the giant blue veteran's bridge. the scerene view of cleveland, ABOVE it, not in it. central air - CIRCULATED air, clean clothes, no shit strewn about the entire home, no backporch used as a bedroom, no strange odors closing my throat up. no more hell. i want to take a nice long bath. it's been years. if you've ever seen the bathroom in the current house you'd understand why. i want to soooooaaaak the aches out of my broken body and start a fresh new life. no more failing health. no more grandparent sized pillbox. no more stacks of dishes taller than me. no more other people (wyl doesn't count as "other people" cuz he's the male me). just us, some ice tea in our full sized fridge (currently we have a mini-firdge box in our room), me kicking some ass in shadow hearts (i've been neglecting it so) and sleeping in a real bed. like up off the floor bed. like cats don't use us as a walkway bed. like not face level with the litterboxes bed.
i just want peace.
virtually nothing is packed. and what little is packed is being packed at an ULTRA slow pace. browsing the internet is NOT packing. i have no time to do the uber super speed kym packing because i'm spending 10-13 hours a day at work. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO PACK EVERYTHING AND STILL FUCKING GET SLEEP?!? i wish just for a few days wyl and i could switch. he could work the 10-13 hour days and i could work the four hour days and have the room packed. of course he'd get about as much done here as i would working 4 hours as he's not trained as an LO, lol.
i'm being blamed for someone else moving around kitty boxes confusing the poor retarded beasts and suddenly i have magical happy littler boxes that came out of nowhere that i'm responsible for. I DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING BUY THEM! HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THEY'RE THERE?!?!?!?!?!?! so the cats are confused all to hell and back because the litter boxes are all gone now except the ones in my room. they never go anywhere except the litter boxes in my room. sensing a trend? i sure as fuck am. move litter boxes = confuse cats, no litter boxes = kitty poo in unwanted places. simple math there. no need to talk shit about me behind my back to other people ESPECIALLY MY HUSBAND.
i have got some of the biggest RETARD BORROWERS i've ever had (with the exception of one... there's one borrower that will forever hold the stupid title). i mean seriously. "get a pen and write down what i'm about to say" then i say it all VERY slowly. "okay, so that's all i need from you at this point. income docs." "what's an income doc?" "the things i just told you to write down!" "oh, i wasn't listening." WHAT.
i think the house has mold in the ceiling that's making me sick. with or without mental meds i've been very sick and coughing up a rainbow of fluids over the past few months. sometimes it's worse than others. what's even MORE fun is that if it's black mold it can KILL ME because i have a primary immune deficciency disorder. GREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! good thing i'm moving out NOW.
that fucking house has it out for me. first i slip in neglected DOG SHIT all over the driveway and BREAK MY FUCKING BACK (yeah, i'm up to almost $5000 in medical bills for treatments.... still no apology and i'm nice enough NOT to sue) and now it's after my lungs. i have an odd feeling that slipping on the grime in the bathtub that's ALWAYS THERE no matter HOW hard you scrub and conking my head of the faucet a few months ago might be the culprit of my incredible migranes i have now. i'm so glad to be leaving amityville before it kills me.
and the move... omg i feel like i'm juggling 80 freaking chansaws. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DRAG THE GODDAMN THING OUT OVER A FEW DAYS. i NEED to have everything taken care of FRIDAY. NO fucking excuses. there's no fucking way around it. I WILL BE IN MY NEW HOME FRIDAY, I WILL NOT SLEEP ANYMORE NIGHTS IN A HOUSE THAT MAKES ME PHYSICALLY ILL.
once this move is over and i return to some level of physical health (omg, we'll have WINDOWS!!! TONS OF WINDOWS!!!!! [i have .5 window right now]. AND FRESH AIR!!!! I CAN FUCKING BREATHE!!!!!!) i'm sure the stress level won't be so close to redline, but right now... i picked one hell of a time to wean off of my meds. not toatally off right now or else many people would be headless, but slowly trying to cope without fucking prescription bullshit. i'm tired of being poisoned from all sides.
i wish i could just handle everything AND have time to work AND relax, but i can't. and i've got to face that no one will do as good of a job as i would because i'm a goddamn perfectionist and a firm believer in doing something right the first time so i don't have to go back and fix it. i'm just out of patience, out of tolerance and out of health. it's time for this nightmare to END. just 2 more days.... i think i'm going to take the entire day off on friday to move the entire apartment myself if everyone else wants to go turtle speed. this is something i need. my life is being sucked out and i can't take it. I NEED OUT!
and to top it all off, i wanted to stop at dairy queen to get some ice cream for my sore throat and esophogus and stomach and the idiots on the road turned a 25 minute journey into a 45 minute journey. all i wanted was some ice cream :(. no blizzard for me. lol
i just need this to be over. i want to be chillin' with my view of the burning river and the giant blue veteran's bridge. the scerene view of cleveland, ABOVE it, not in it. central air - CIRCULATED air, clean clothes, no shit strewn about the entire home, no backporch used as a bedroom, no strange odors closing my throat up. no more hell. i want to take a nice long bath. it's been years. if you've ever seen the bathroom in the current house you'd understand why. i want to soooooaaaak the aches out of my broken body and start a fresh new life. no more failing health. no more grandparent sized pillbox. no more stacks of dishes taller than me. no more other people (wyl doesn't count as "other people" cuz he's the male me). just us, some ice tea in our full sized fridge (currently we have a mini-firdge box in our room), me kicking some ass in shadow hearts (i've been neglecting it so) and sleeping in a real bed. like up off the floor bed. like cats don't use us as a walkway bed. like not face level with the litterboxes bed.
i just want peace.
