(no subject)

i don't know why i ever get my hopes up when it comes to my mother. she is the meanest person i know, and she does it while acting as sweet as candy. she is terrible, and all on purpose while masking it under "helpless/clueless little hippy lady." luckily i know her well enough to know what is really going on.

i'll never get over my beef with her. she's got 24 years to make up for.

now i know how a tree feels

i sit alone and watch the world pass me by... everyone's lives, so full of everything. places to go, things to do, lives to lead. i stay in bed most my life, sometimes i'll wake up and see the sunlight for a few minutes, but i'll just fall back to sleep. i'm in incredible pain most of the time, so i cannot live up to my expectations as a lover, or a human counterpart, or even anything including constant contact.

i'm wasting life away, i have nothing to show for the past few months, nothing to hold up to anyone else.

i'm a waste.