neighbors from hell

[sprinklethief]

so i live on the inside corner of a u-shaped apartment building overlooking the courtyard. i don't have any immediate neighbors on the side closest to the corner because it's a laundry room, and on the other side is a cute little asian couple. the apartment on the other side of the laundry room is on the other side of the corner, so effectively we're on opposite sides of an L shape. i always had these kinda preppy girl neighbors on that side that never really bothered anyone. they came over to borrow a corkscrew once, but other than that they just always rocked out to some top 40 and had giggling girl parties. really couldn't ask for better neighbors in a college town.

well, they moved out at the end of last semester. i made the traditional outcast joke about good riddance to preppy bitches, but they seriously never did anything annoying. enter my newfound hell.

about a month after they left some new people moved in. it sounds like a bunch of dudes. our introduction to them was the last game of the cavs/pistons series. joey, his friend chase and i were watching hannibal rising, which has a lot of quiet creepy parts. about 10 minutes into the movie we hear the game - so loud that it sounded like it was in the bedroom (it's pretty much a 2 room apartment with a hallway we call the dining room and kitchen). we closed all the windows (keep in mind i live on the third floor and it was currently about 90 degrees in ohio) and attempted to continue. the game still won, as well as shouts and screams of "oh my go(d) no he di'int!" and "he done thumped that rock, du(de)." we made it through the movie eventually with many, many interruptions.

so i figured that i lived next to some sports freaks. cool, whatever. couple times a year they get rowdy. couldn't have been more wrong...

the next day, a sunday morning, i awake to my bed and windows rattling. i sit up and get my bearings when i realize that there is a stereo somewhere that is so loud and so bassy that the music is indiscernible. all i hear is boooooooooom ba boooooooom boooooooooom! yeah, so hungover and not happy about this. i quickly realize it's coming from the new neighbors... as well as people talking so loud that it sounded like shouting. there was one girl that laughed like it was forced and she had a megaphone. okay, maybe they're still partying because the cavs won. whatever. hopefully it passes.

it didn't. it turns out this is a fairly regular occurrence. great. so these assholes either keep us up all night or wake us up early. DO THEY EVER SLEEP?!

but wait, it gets better.

in this apartment complex you're only allowed cats, up to 2, with a $200 deposit. a lot of people live here with cats. looking in the windows is always a cute attack because there's hundreds of furry friends bein' cute and whatnot. well... a few days ago on a day where i had to get up early i awake an hour and a half before the alarm. no big deal, i'll just roll over and go back to sleep... until i realized what woke me up. there was a dog barking and howling, constantly from the cavs apartment. it sounds like a BIG dog. echoing off the walls of the building in the courtyard. it did not stop. i left for a few hours and when i came back it was still going on and joey was very sleep deprived. we called the manager and he said he was already on his way back to our building to check it out. dog didn't stop. dog still hasn't stopped. every day, all day.

so. i keep my blinds partially closed in my bedroom. open enough for sunlight but closed enough for peeping toms to fail. i do however keep my blinds pulled a little to the side to put a fan in the window. i usually get dressed in the far corner of my room because i'm paranoid and think people are always watching. well, one day i got undressed and on my way to the bathroom i was pulling on a robe, i hear "turn around bitch! gimmie a show!" nice. feed the paranoia you fucks.

last night, we got a little... er... romantic at risk of tmi. a pretty common occurrence, so we don't really think much of it in terms of noise level. no one has ever shouted or complained. suddenly, we hear people screaming at us. like full on adult male angry yelling out the window to knock it off. I WAS NOT BEING LOUD! guess where it was coming from. go ahead guess. so yeah, that totally ruined the mood and pissed me the fuck off.

wtf? these people, their friends, their dog that isn't even supposed to be in this fucking building, have turned joey and i into the walking dead due to getting 2-5 hours sleep a night. i can't even get down with da man without these fucks interrupting it. i can't change my clothes without hiding in my own house. i can't get a good night's sleep... i'm so sick of these people and they've only been here for a few weeks. what's more awesome? my lease isn't up until november, so i can't move away from them either.

i need to make their life equally as hellish. any ideas?