(no subject)

[sprinklethief]

i have a sense that everything is suddenly all fucked up again. strange because all i do is go to work, sleep (when it comes, which isn't often) and watch Tv. i don't ever rock the boat because i can't handle the aftermath. i can't be entertaining anymore, i'm always afraid i'm going to upset someone when i talk, but it seems i do even when i say nothing at all. i can't handle roller coasters anymore, hence why i'm medicated, but no one else seems to agree with the anti-drama. there's always gotta be something floating in the toilet. bah, i'm just frustrated and beginning to become a little too used to the chaos, which is something i never wanted. i strive to have an anti-chaotic life. i've tried to drop the nickname "queen of chaos" my mother gave me becuase i'm sick of having a traumatic life, but aparently i fucked up somewhere without even knowing it.

i just don't want to be upset anymore. my brain and my heart cannot handle it anymore.