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i've almost finished my christmas shopping, just a few more people to finish, namely my stepmother whom i never know what to buy, wyl's mother and his sister beth. i can't wait until wyl, hawks and my dad see their presents!!
i've decided that, even though i can't financially afford it right now, i'm going to tell naser that i'll finish out the week but after that i need to quit for my own health. i mean, seriously, the stress of that place is almost reversing my recovery. i've got a lot of work and research to do to get on top of this illness before it kills me (it almost did once already!). i can find a job by january, i know i can. i'm just going to have to look in new places. maybe i'll go work at UPS like beck so i can get in shape and have full health benefits.
but honestly, i dread going to work because of how stressed out it makes me. i get all tied up in knots and i can only take shallow breaths. i'm not saying that working in a videogame store is this big great hard job, because honestly it isn't. but working in a videogame store that constantly changes the rules and system of how things are done right when you've perfected the store... and having 3 people breathing down your neck at all times, telling you how replaceable you are... well, if i'm so replaceable then do it. fuck holes.
i'd rather spend my time constructively, attempting to get a hold of this life-shattering illness so that it no longer has the potential of shattering my life. i'm tired of being scared of the boogey man, and to quote something wyl wrote to me (and himself) about this illness tearing us down IT ENDS NOW.
i will not be a victim of my own brain.
oh yes, today seems that it will be a good dday :)
i've decided that, even though i can't financially afford it right now, i'm going to tell naser that i'll finish out the week but after that i need to quit for my own health. i mean, seriously, the stress of that place is almost reversing my recovery. i've got a lot of work and research to do to get on top of this illness before it kills me (it almost did once already!). i can find a job by january, i know i can. i'm just going to have to look in new places. maybe i'll go work at UPS like beck so i can get in shape and have full health benefits.
but honestly, i dread going to work because of how stressed out it makes me. i get all tied up in knots and i can only take shallow breaths. i'm not saying that working in a videogame store is this big great hard job, because honestly it isn't. but working in a videogame store that constantly changes the rules and system of how things are done right when you've perfected the store... and having 3 people breathing down your neck at all times, telling you how replaceable you are... well, if i'm so replaceable then do it. fuck holes.
i'd rather spend my time constructively, attempting to get a hold of this life-shattering illness so that it no longer has the potential of shattering my life. i'm tired of being scared of the boogey man, and to quote something wyl wrote to me (and himself) about this illness tearing us down IT ENDS NOW.
i will not be a victim of my own brain.
oh yes, today seems that it will be a good dday :)
