mental vomit

[sprinklethief]

to those keeping track of my shitty health...

i have pneumonia and pleurisy. that's what all this last ruckus has been. i had a z-pack that didn't do shit so now i'm on some other antibiotic for another 10 days. i picked a hell of a week to go off percocet. i'd really like one right about now. ::hackhack::

my chest is still on fucking fire. my fever finally broke tho and with that my chills have sort of subsided. my temp is usually on the low end of 97 degrees and i was at 100 when i went for my chest x-rays. i'm still soaking the bed with sweat any time i try to sleep so i've slept maybe an hour in the last 32. seriously, why the fuck can't anything be simple for me? why can't i just get a cold?

when i *have* been sleeping my mind has been all types of crazy. it keeps bringing up someone from my past that i miss dearly, though i don't think i want to see them again. i wish i could go into more detail but i'm still not sure what to make of everything. it's made for a pretty shitty mindset and just being bummed out.

i've been thinking a great deal about my early twenties. i know that i met pretty much 80% of you guys in those days, but now that i've been off of narcotics and all other mind altering substances for a clip my memory is beginning to paint quite an ugly picture. i can't believe some of the things that are popping into my mind, and i seriously wonder why most of you still talk to me. i don't understand where my head was. it hurts to know who i was.

joey's been working for my dad which is nice because my dad adores him and vice versa. unfortunately this put him in a precarious position regarding my brother. my brother is a very violent and volatile person and joey had to make a really mature decision. i was very impressed with him. i'm always very impressed with him.

i returned to work. i probably shouldn't have considering how sick i am, but i managed to keep it under wraps for the most part. its going well. we got new registers. i picked it up seriously in about 5 minutes. it feels good to accomplish shit again instead of sit here and hate life, but god do i hate CVS with a passion.

i think i'm going to go soak in a tub and mull over my issues. i just feel like a shitty person right now for some reason.

Comments

[indy-skies.livejournal.com]

i think that the memories are a big part of what happens when you don't have drugs in your system... narcotic or psychiatric. i know i've been dealing with the same sort of thing since i stopped taking psych meds over a month ago. if it is any comfort - you've been on my journal for a while and i see a good person in your writing.

take care of yourself!!!! don't get run down.

[paroxysm-cycle.livejournal.com]

mental meds are weird. i sometimes wonder if they even do anything but block all your memories so you don't beat yourself up. wtf :P

[nemesisn72.livejournal.com]

Feel better baby! *sends many hugs*

And, I don't know if it will make you feel any better, but you never did anything bad to me. I loves my gal. As far as the specifics to that whole thing I unfortunately cannot offer any advice as I have no personal experience. I've only ever been on the receiving end of such things.