sprinklethief | the good, the bad, and the... there....

this is really the last chance i'm going to have until way into the first week of january due to being all whacked out and hospitalized.

2007... odd numbered years always blow for me. always have. BUT - they always lead to a giant change, which is usually good (eventually).

so, 2007:

this year a very long relationship met it's demise. i didn't really have too many hurt feelings, and i think we're so much better as friends and always will be. i'll always have love for wyl, there's a special little spot in my heart that is permanently dedicated to him. always has been.

my back took a VERY bad decline that involved the disk finally giving up and collapsing. so many horrid "diagnostic procedures" with so many REALLY LONG needles being shoved into my spine. not fun. i've become pretty much reliant on pain killers, the dosages and classes on the rise. i'm at the tippy top of percocet. i plan on ending here.

najpapa died. my pop pop. i'm so sad that i didn't get to spend more time with him. the cancer came quick, and the cancer came hard. us reddens don't know the meaning of moderation - we fuck it up proper. i learned i'm related to an infamous bank robber that rolled with john dillenger directly. i learned that my pop pop touched many lives in many ways, and that there are some very amazing people on that side of the family. a lot of nutjobs too tho.

my childhood friend who i'd searched for years to find ended up being a romantic endeavor. it wasn't planned nor intended, i just wanted my buddy back. and now i have him. for good. he's enlightened my life and brought back a form of happiness i hadn't felt in a very long time. it was the happiness i talked about when i would have to tell shrinks the last time i ever felt truly happy that i can remember. it was the summer of '94, joey and i skated EVERY DAY from dawn till waaay past night cuz our parents didn't really give a crap where we were. he just makes me... whole. that's really the only word for it. i feel like me again, and i realized i'd been living someone else's life all this time.

along with joey came a really weird blow. a wonderful little bright blue-eyed man - niklas. i've still yet to meet him, i want baby mama to be comfortable with the situation (yeah right). maybe not comfortable, cuz that'll never happen. it's her baby for christ's sake, i don't think sending your baby off to daddy and random girl she doesn't know from the cashier at walmart's house is really a wonderful feeling. i realize she blames me for everything, and i'll take it. i don't want to do anything else to possibly jeopardize niklas' chance at a mommy and daddy who get along. i'm not really a part of direct parenting so i'm just gonna lay low and let them do their thing because it's so not my place and they seem to be doing a very good job. i just wish joey could see him more. he's on a freaking high for the rest of the day when he comes home from being with him. i just want to meet him :). i'm happy to report that joey and baby mama are getting along really well now, and i'm so glad. this doesn't have to be an awful catastrophe, and i think they'll work it out - and that makes me happy to no end - just to know they're going to work well as parents unlike my parents. and his.

i got a raise, i made a few new acquaintances. i gained weight and i lost it. i battled the crazy because hey - that's just what i do.

and now - xmess threw up all over one side of my living room and it's wonderful. we have plenty of gifts for everyone, including each other.

and a day later my life will change forever. i'm getting an anterior-posterior cage fusion. they're putting in bolts and rods to correct the scoliosis and add more support to the spine as a whole. i will finally stop limping. i will hopefully finally stop this agony that has been my life since the injury back in... '05 i think? this is really happening man, we went in for all the pre-surgery blood work and such this morning. i met my anesthesia crew and the nurses that'll be handling me. this is real. and i'm fucking terrified.

at least it bought me time off work. till february, lol.

i saw quite a few people marry, i saw pics of even more. i gotta say, every wedding i attended seemed like the people involved we're a perfect match. from the final fantasy music at the first kiss of mr and mrs chrixsmiss to the cake war of lori and ash. the simple elegance of joey's sister's wedding to the freaking gorgeous colors of the daliah-creep pics.

i also saw a few end, and as much as i wanted to reach out i never know quite what to say in those situations. me being so freaking preoccupied by my own physical pain i don't feel that i'd be someone talk-worthy right now, and i always say inadvertently asinine things. you's guys know who you are, and my heart is with you.

and we cannot forget the socks ;). i felt issa and i made a really strong connection over the summer, back when i had a life. she and i and our manpeople hung out almost every friday night and talked into the wee hours of the morning (until i passed out usually). we shared a drunken halloween that was just pure silly and fun, and i'm glad she came along. i'm always glad when she comes along. she is teh awesome and i miss her very much (and i have PRESENTS for her and beck ::hinthint::)

so the year... pretty weird one for me. a great deal of new experiences and a lot of tough lessons learned. here's to hoping '08 is better. thank you guys for putting up with my whining all year.

the good, the bad, and the... there....

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