sprinklethief | whining. no, not winning

i'm buried up to my fucking ears with no real way out in sight more bills pour in every day. i don't even check my mail anymore because i know there'll be 10 more medical bills i still can't pay.

i took the stupid promotion because i didn't have ENOUGH stress in my life i figured, hey, what's' the burden of an entire store and a crew so retarded they keep handing coupons and processed checks back to the customer? seriously, these girls... i've shown them photo 4 times already and they still call me up to the front to do processing because they're "scared they'll mess something up!" dude, can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs.

i feel like nothing short of total ass. not sick, just feel like total ass. i'm frustrated, i'm irritated and i'm mentally exhausted. my whole body is always sore, when i wake up i feel like i just got the crap kicked out of me. things i normally like irritate the fuck out of me. i just want to pop vicodin (but i'm almost out... donations? i'm prescribed the 750's but i'll take the 500's, heh) cry, eat frozen yogurt (explain that craving!) and play videogames, but i won't cry - i don't have it in me.

the air in my apartment feels like i'm covered in vaseline and my hair is a giant frizz ball. but i'm so far behind on my electric bill i don't dare even consider the air conditioner (a dusty old box mounted in the wall probably about as old as i am). third floor was great during winter but it's not even summer yet and i'm cursing the weather.

my apartment is totally wrecked. the fung shui is the crappiest i've seen since the attic and i can't seem to keep anything clean. no furniture placement makes sense however. there's radiator heaters across one wall of both rooms taking an entire wall out of the equation. what do you do with that?

the new birth control that i had to be put on a few months ago because the government won't supply the other one makes me sore and crampy for 2 1/2-3 weeks out of the month. yes, that's right - i'm not menstrual at all maybe one week out of the month. i can't afford a stupid $30 a month pill pack to get back on the one that wasn't trashing my body. my boobs hurt so bad i can't lay on my stomach or take my bra off withot being in such excruciating pain i yelp. they're so swollen i ripped the bra i'm wearing in the back but i'm afraid to take it off to change it because it hurts so bad to. best part? my period doesn't start for another 2 weeks and i'm already bloated up to a size 7 (i'm a 4-5). i know i'm not pregnant, this has been my female life since i started these horrible pills (note the ten pound weight gain too). totally going off of them is not an option either because i have polycystic ovaries and frown upon getting things like cancer and a back beard when it can be at all avoided.

yappa seems to have stopped peeing on the floor though due to wyl moving the bed over her 'piddle spot'. see? i can look at the good side.

i really miss my friends but i don't have the energy to try to hang out, i'd just be a huge whiny bore. wyl's friends are nice but i miss my few even though i suck at keeping up with them.

and i still don't have a goddamn black ink cartridge for my stupid fucking printer.

yeah, and the miracle pill for my ADD? that made me feel even shittier. i hate that i have to take pills at all really. why cant my chemicals be normal? why can't they just give me adderol like they know they're going to anyways and stop beating around the bush? i know what works, give it to me goddamnit. the straterra made me have to stop my antidepressant because they don't play well together and nurse bonehead thought that since they both work on neropanephrine that the straterra would totally do the trick. GUESS WHAT? it didn't do the job nearly as well as wellbutrin for the anger/depression and did just a little more than jack shit for my ADD. also, it murdered my sex drive and... wait for it... CAUSED WEIGHT GAIN! YEAAAAAAH! i've told this dumb bitch over and over again that i CANNOT fuck around with anything that has possible weight gain because i'll blow up like a whale. maybe if i bring her the pics she'll understand. fat kym = really unhappy kym. kinda counteracts the antidepressants a bit.

oh wait, that requires an ink cartridge.

and my stomach hurts.

sorry, i had to get my bitching out before i took it out on someone who didn't deserve it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

we all need to whine a bit sometimes... it's cathartic! can you tell me a little about ADD? are you hyper, like jumping all over the place or do you just have trouble reading and staying on task. i think my meds give me ADD... or maybe i've always been this way and i just don't remember life before meds. i'm not one to self diagnose but something is seriously wrong. i read sentences over and over again and start day dreaming in the middle of a simple newspaper article. i rarely finish novels and i used to read all the time. it seems the only time i can concentrate on anything to do with reading is the short LJ entries. does this sound like you? i think it's meds related but still, something has to be done because my career (journalism) depends on reading and writing.

woah dude... there's me whining in YOUR journal. it's infectious.

anyway, i hear ya on the bills. when i'm in school i just give up and take the attitude that they'll get their money when they have it. yes, i have had my cell phone cancelled on me and the credit card people take away my visa... but you do what you have to do right?

what's you mood-stabilizer... i need to loose some med weight. this is getting ridiculous.

things could be a LOT worse...

whining. no, not winning - whining.

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SMILE!!!